Wow, what a great weekend! Saturday night EE sends me a really sweet text to say hi & tell me he’s getting ready for work. “what a shame I’m not there to help you” “Yes, I was just thinking it’s going to be a long time until next weekend & it took a long time to get focused last night at work” “yes, you are reading my mind! I’ll be thinking about you tonight” “Call if you can’t sleep”. So I tried to call him, but apparently he had to be out on the floor = very noisy & didn’t hear his phone.
Sunday I gave the message at church, got very many compliments. I’ll share it on here later, it is long… Sunday night he messages me again first, and says “let me know when a good time is to call” so I tell him and then I tell him “it’s late, I gotta go to bed, but bummed I’ll not be able to talk to you. I’ll have sweet dreams if you are in them” “you know I’ll be thinking of you too!”
So this morning, since he’s gone first the past couple times, I messaged him before work got crazy just a “hey before things get busy hope you had a great day” sort of thing. “Hope you have a great one too & that I’m not bugging you too much, I’m just going to take care of my meat & then go to bed” WHAT?!?! “I made roast for sandwiches to take to work, what were you thinking?!?!” oh you SOOO don’t want to know what I was thinking! Already had to do that a couple of times, sheesh! “no, you are not bugging me, you can bug me more if you want…and thanks for clarifying cuz I’m not going to admit what I was thinking!” to which I got a “bad girl, go to my room! How about lunch sometime, I would get up in the middle of the night…” WOW but how could I ask him to do that? “yes I would love to, but don’t want to ask you to do that.” “oh, I think you are worth loosing a little sleep!” WOW, really???!!!
You know, the recruiter would try and go out of his way to have lunch with me & it would really just sort of drive me crazy as he would reschedule the hell out of his appointments to make it happen. No amount of “dude, it’ll work out when it’s supposed to” ever made a difference. If he wasn’t bent completely around backwards, then he just didn’t feel like he was trying enough. It was stressful! I hope that’s not the path we’re going down now, but I don’t think it is as with the recruiter, we would already have the next 3 lunch dates planned out, at least in his head. It never felt very genuine.
This guy so far is not hands-off, but at least respectful of my space. I was bummed no email, but maybe I should log into work & send him a short little one… Maybe I should just use my personal one…
Sunshine calls him my boyfriend already. I said no, not yet, but maybe. I’d like it.
What is it about this guy? Very different from any other guy I’ve dated. Seems to respect me as a person. And like me as a person, not just another lay. He’s smart, knows how to fix things with his hands, has done things I can only dream of. He’s got this wicked sense of humor that is so spot on. Very unpretentious. Low key, doesn’t scream “look at me”. He excites my mind & my body. It seems a great combination. JB&T both really like him & seem to think we are good together. I don’t want to get hopeful. What if it ends just like all the others? I don’t think I could take that.
He said Friday “I didn’t think I would like you as much as what I do”…what does that mean? Am I ever going to stop overanalyzing things?
I talked with D&K Saturday night, and she was asking me questions about him. Was surprised I was interested in an older man. But she said something that just really struck me. “it is so good to hear your voice happy. You’ve just been so down lately”. And she’s right. My world has not been right. I’ve been lonely. Do I just respond to him because he’s shown interest in me & I’m lonely or is there more to it? I want there to be more, a lot more, to it. I’ve been praying so much because I’m not sure my thinking is very clear on it. I want to make sure I’m doing the right thing. And while sometimes I feel silly & girly (it has always been hard for me to talk about affairs of the heart) to talk to her about him, and I really shouldn’t as she is not going to judge me or condemn me, I realize I’m totally excited to talk about him & how light I feel & well, happy.
Just a lot of thought swirling around in my head with a mixture of daydreaming….
Also worked more in my Wounded Heart book. The contempt chapter really spoke to me. I never realized that was what I was doing, but it was sooo me. Deflecting anger, deflecting complements, double-lives, not trusting God, putting myself down, at war with myself, putting down others. Absolutely crazy, painful stuff. But I know to be a more complete person, I got to dig through this.
Been working extra around the house to be more ready for next weekend, I am SO VERY EXCITED! Also been working on a fun mini book for 009’s birthday in March.
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