Step by step

 I sit here tonight after driving to & from Kokomo so the boys could sup with their dad & I’m just thinking about how last week I was crying over some dumb guy.  I walked 2 miles tonight at the mall, the past couple of weeks that’s all I’ve gotten in.  I’m kinda burnt out on rowing & it makes my tailbone hurt lately.  Actually, it’s been giving me a rugburn on my tailbone.  I have a headache & I’m drinking some of my yummy wine.  So while I still wish things had turned out differently with the dude, I’m glad they didn’t as I hope it leaves me open to other possibilities.  I’m damn glad I shut down the wrestler.  Twice is enough, go find someone else to screw.  Literally.  But it was sooo very good with him.

So where does this leave me?  A little smarter about myself & what I stand for, maybe with a bit more self-respect because I didn’t succomb.  And still lonely.  But with my life & the things I like to do & the independence I (now) enjoy, is there really anybody out there who can fit into that model?  Dunno.

Today I was on help desk & I didn’t really get anything much done.  Unless you count answering a bunch of questions.  It seems like that’s all I do. But mabye that is OK.  Maybe that is what I am supposed to be.  Sometimes I feel as though I am being groomed to be, I don’t know, not really my boss’ replacement, but a position that will then allow my boss to be who he is supposed to be.  Not sure it makes sense when I write it down, it is hard to explain in my head.  And no, I’m not gunning for the job because Lord knows I don’t want that kind of responsibility.  More like the go-to/escalation point.  We talked a lot about policies & procedures & trying to get them established & how I seem to be a more out-of-the-box thinker.  Which I’ve never really considered myself to be.   But maybe it is true.  About how he has no doubts my abilities to handle the circumstances that require that.  Sometimes I want to just be the goof-off slacker  then he will say things like that I don’t want to let him down.  So my brain is scrambled from trying to process all that we talked about today.  And wondering how do I carve out the time to document policies, procedures & flowcharts.  I would really like to have a triage/help desk “binder” that outlines job functions, escalation points, scheduling, ticket closing, how notes should look, steps for most “normal” type work, tips & tricks for backups, etc.  But I need to go away for a week to get it done.  So I think of FlyLady & how can I do it in small bites.

We talk about a possible intern & I’m totally excited.  I think mentoring & showing students what the job is really like is invaluable for them, and for us.  Plus it is free labor, so how can you not like that?

And I just listen to music all the way over, and while I walk & on the way home as it helps me focus & clear my head.  And I hear the sweet sounds of giggles coming from the backseat.  And I think my life really isn’t so bad after all.

And I got to hear one of my favorite songs too on shuffle….

It’s just got a great beat… I think the video is cute too… could be my theme song…