I had no idea this video was sooooo strange!!!
OK, just a quick update because it’s getting late & I so need to go to bed….
Saturday I did not have my massage, she had forgotten, so that is rescheduled for next week. Instead when grocery shopping & errand shopping until EE (although I really like flyboy too….) was closer to waking up. He’s given me his garage code, so I can pretty much come & go as I please, but sneaking in doesn’t work as it wakes him up! Friday actually, he just really wanted me to stay there, but I did not. Sooo…..Headed over there for a bit, things got a bit steamy (well, for him but not for me, as I’m on the IR list….)….ok a lot steamy… and then we went to the winery to meet up with T&J & their friends from Wisconsin. And it is killing me to not tell him….arggh! We stay there for a bit, try some of the Wine Dude’s new wines, I have a glass of the bordermen’s because I really like it & he’s out of the sweetser. Which I really like. I end up buying a bottle of each & a hanging rock for EE when he comes over as he doesn’t like the same that I like. But that is OK, it leaves more for me.
We go back to his place, he makes me some coffee, it is terribly hard to leave him, but I do have plans with the girls. So we end up going to eat at Bob Evans & talking. The FTW girl doesn’t show, but that’s OK as cruise control & I have a good conversation anyway. We’re a lot alike in many ways. I tell her a bit about EE and she’s excited for me. But she knows my fears & where I’ve been, at least partially. After leaving her, I stop in at CCI and see T&J and gang. We talk for a few minutes, I take their picture, and then we’re off. I came back here & did a bunch of research. Forgot about the time change, got to bed way too late.
Today I had a couple of song to sing at church and Bonnie wanted me to lead the songs for the rest of service too. So I was very OK with that, I like singing. I’m assuming I have a good enough voice to do it or they wouldn’t have me do such things, right?
After church, I came back here, ate some popcorn & watched a TV show. Then I swept out the car (oh wow, was it nasty! It still needs cleaned/detailed but it is tons better! I was embarrassed!). Took out the compost & washed up stuff that needed to go back to EE. I was going to tell him so I wanted to make sure that if he asked me to leave there was no uncomfortable, “oh yea, I need all my stuff back” kind of moment. And I’m scared to death but I got to do it, I can’t keep it inside anymore.
I get over there, and he’s on the phone with son #2. they talk for a bit about some crazy project he’s got going on up there. And he’s just woken up, so we go back to his bed & just lie there & cuddle up for a bit. It is so nice, but how do I introduce this thing that I need to talk about. So finally I just say “can we talk about something we should have talked about on Friday? I’m really sorry I didn’t then, but I just didn’t know how you would react & the thought of you saying you never want to see m again was paralyzing. But I need to be honest & tell you”. So I tell him about the other reason I was there “pain in the shower, mean doctor, blah blah blah….and so if you want me to just leave now I will. I understand”. And he said “no, I don’t want you to leave. That’s the last thing I want. Please don’t. And he just takes me in those wonderful arms of his (gahh! They are so sexy!) and he just holds me & I’m crying on the inside because this was just so not what I expected. At all. And we talk quite a bit more about his past & stuff. And then we are back at it & I just can’t believe that he wants anything to do with me, let alone still like this. I make sure he is well rewarded for this. And then somehow we end up in the shower together. He uses the most amazing smelling shampoo ever! He didn’t take a shower last night before getting into bed as he didn’t have to do much machinery work & so he wasn’t really dirty. And I think this is the first time I have seen him fully naked (or at least with enough light for me to see) & I know it is for him seeing me & of course I have such issues with my post baby body. But I definitely like what I saw. Um um! Did I mention he’s got fantastic arms? Oh, and shoulders….and arms….and eyes...and ears…and lips…and thighs…and…well, I’ll leave the rest to your imagination…. Seriously, could this be like the package deal?!
He cooks me some supper, cod & rice & veggies. It was wonderful and at least this time we truly got to eat. Which did not happen last Saturday… well, until he came over here. And all of a sudden it strikes me that I’m no longer scared, sad nervous, whatever, just peaceful….and it was amazing. And it all came from not being rejected but accepted. That he cared more about me than anything else. Just like Jilly Bean had said. Wow, you have no idea how huge that is for me. I felt myself slipping incredible amounts…slipping into a place I just never thought I’d be in again. And it is such a wonderful feeling. I think it might be official that I’m head over heels….
So now we’ve got some lunch plans this week, and maybe him coming over at night too. This weekend he takes the plane down south with a buddy to get it worked on & prepped. He’ll stay down the week & oversee the work & have some much needed vacation. He’s going to be gone like a week and a half. I’m not sure I’m going to be able to stand it & I miss him already.
I was late picking up the boys tonight, but not totally my fault. The X said he was going to be late, but he sent a message saying they were on time, but my phone got dorked up because of the time change, and I was busy at the time, and, well, I’m just not that good with the time management thing…. I know they would say different at work, but….
OK, so that’s it in more than a nutshell….Good night!
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