We left Friday to go up north – 5+ hours from home. With 2 crazy monkeys. To be with EE for the weekend & meet some of his other friends. I was a nervous wreck! Would the boys behave? Would I fit in? Would it be too overwhelming? What if his kids didn’t like my kids? He had gone up the day before & was so sweet “I know you’re getting in late, don’t worry, I’ll have everything all ready for you when you get here, you won’t have to worry about a thing”. That even included a chilled glass of my favorite wine, that was a total surprise and about the most touching thing ever. Is this what normal is like? Is this real? Does it ever go away? I just am so amazed every time he does something like that. We met Ken & Theresa & 1 of their boys, who had brought along 2 of his friends. Then on Saturday Brett & Pam showed up with their boy & girl. We got up & dinked around for breakfast & got ready to go to the river. Theresa just was wonderful in that she took care of breakfast & everything. He always asks me if it is hard to sit by & watch someone else do all the work “YES!”. But I am learning to view it as a gift given to me by them. And no one likes a poor gift receiver.
010 was so super excited to go on the canoe trip. We had to have lots of talks about the fact there is a lot of waiting, and that it is just for fun & relax & stuff. It was hard. 007 wasn’t so sure, and of course he comes down with some weird stomach bug that was not much fun. It involved a lot of rinsing in the river. We finally get on our way. I’ve never piloted (is that the right word? Steered, driven???) a canoe before and this is a bit of a challenging one. I’m getting frustrated, Ben is getting frustrated. He wants to be perfect right out of the gate, he doesn’t want to have learning time. It wasn’t pretty for a bit. However, we finally figure out where everyone can stop for the first snack break (I so need a beer by now, and haha he’s got one ready for me!) I go off to answer nature’s call & come back to Ben telling me that 007 & EE got into it because 007 was angry we had stopped, he didn’t want to, so he started to splash EE, who kept telling him to stop & would splash a bit back. 007 got upset because “this is my only dry shirt!” but wouldn’t stop. Which is how he is. Keeps pushing & pushing & pushing. So finally EE got tired of it & gave him a tap on the chest. 007 lost his footing & went all the way in the river. He helped pick him up & 007 came up swinging like Chuck Norris, just completely mad.
So 007 ended up in my canoe, and 010 in with EE. Which worked out really well. As 010 listened to EE and learned a few things about how to handle a canoe. And 007 & I got to have a talk about respecting others, and how we treat others, even when we are angry. I was not pleased with him. We had already gone round & round over a pair of water shoes that AM & he almost didn’t go. There are times when I know pushing him is not the right answer, but sometimes it just has to be. We eventually made it to the sand hill, which they climbed 3 times! And everyone was back to being their happy selves. (Yes EE & 007 made up). I was getting pretty tired though as I was probably doing a lot more paddling than steering and was excited that we were almost done actually. And I was starting to think I was getting to think I was getting the hang of it. That was when I got tangled up in a pile of logs with the current rushing right at us & we dumped the canoe. Now, EE being who he is, that cooler in the middle never budged! But 007 is hanging on for dear life (yes, they had life jackets on) and is extremely terrified & I’m trying to get him. I do manage to get ahold of him & he just clings desperately to me. I have to admit I was scared after I got a hold of him. I got us both calmed down and of course the boat is gone. There is no shoreline to walk along & you can’t walk in the river. I’m feeling abandoned & lost & scared. I don’t really know what to do. I put him down on a little bit of dirt (and of course he is extremely cold at this point, the water is only 58. EE had just put HIS long sleeved shirt on him at the sand hill because he was wet & cold. Now that really was the last dry shirt). Some college guys float by, ask if I need help, get the canoe emptied out of water & we try to figure out how to get it back to me. They ended up walking it back along the shore & I have to climb over the stupid pile of logs to help snag it. I can’t feel anything below my waist. 007 doesn’t really want to get back in the boat but I explain it is the only way off the river. A kayaker had gone by & I sent word up river with him, just in case.
So we get in, at this point I am just completely done, my nerves are shot, I’m freezing cold & I look down at my legs & they are just completely battered & scraped. I thank them all very much & we get going. We make it around about 3 more bends, and there is EE & 010 waiting on us. Of course he had figured out already something had happened. He gets us pulled over on the little bit of shore & we just enjoy being on land. I am not too cold but 007 is shivering. I help him get out of his jacket & EE helps him off with his wet shirt & gives him the shirt off of his back. That helped & he warmed up a bit. He looks at me & says “Mom, I don’t be mad but I don’t want to ride with you, I want to ride with Chuck!”. “That’s OK buddy, I understand”. And of course EE says “Cool”. So we swap kids again. And now 010 is amazing! He helps! He knows what to do, he is a completely different kid! And I needed that. I was tired & beat. We made it. We had fun. There were other moments too, of hitting & kicking between siblings, but that is not the part I want to remember.
We get back to camp, all of us. And I just stand in the shower with the water hot. And then I realize all my warm clothes are in the dry bag. Which is still with EE dropping off all the paddles & stuff at Shomler’s. So I rustle around in his stuff & find a sweatsuit. Too big but it will work. D & S are there already so I catch up a bit with them. And get the boys squared away. We end up going to The Mushroom in Mesick for pizza. Except Ken & Brett have the burritos. It’s like 5 pounds of stuff. And it is a good time. We go back, the boys feel asleep & the adults stay up & drink Jeremiah Weed, Jack and Jack & Coke. And smoke cigars. And a strange observation comes over me. There are just the 6 of us parents together. D&S are over with the kids. And it seems odd to me because they are adults. And it felt weird for me to be included but not them. I’m the outsider, but all of a sudden, I’m being treated like an insider. And a warm glow just nestles down into my belly. And we are laughing & goofing off. I drew tattoos on 010 & Pam’s arms. I drew a baby on Ken’s belly cause he was about 8 months along. And I realize I am having an amazing, fun time.
Everyone leaves on Sunday, so now it is just the 4 of us. And we just hang out. I make chili for supper, we have s’mores in the middle of the afternoon. We tidy up & just have some low key fun. That night, EE & I sit out by the fire and talk. About what makes me happy, and him. And he says I’m the single best thing that has happened to him in a long time. We talk about his cabin plans and what he wants to do. And I’m so torn because I want to think I’ll be a part of it, that he thinks I’ll be a part of it. But knowing it probably won’t include me. But I want it to so bad. And then I wonder about why I worry about that so much. Why can’t I just enjoy the moment of where I am? I don’t know, other than I never really have.
Monday we pack up (the boys helped & did such a great job!) and we go to Gartlett’s Corner again for breakfast. It was so super-yummy. And then we are following him back. He’s in lead, I’m #2. And as we are driving a long & changing lanes & I’m struggling with being sad & depressed because I think this is never going to last no matter how much I want it to, I am struck with how much fun it is to drive like this. He signals wanting to go over, I go over so that he’s got room & then he comes over & then in reverse to go back. And I wonder if this is how it feels for him when he’s flying formation. That our cars are really operating more as 1 unit instead of 2 separate machines. It is thrilling and exciting & it brings a smile to my face. It just feels good all the way down to the core. And then I also realize we’ve been operating as a team all weekend long. The X and I never were very good at that. He never wanted me to help with anything. He’d rather just struggle through it on his own. It always made me feel useless. And it about makes me cry. Because EE never makes me feel that way. We actually work together on stuff.
OK, wow that ended up being longer than what I thought, but apparently I had a lot I needed to get out.
010 and me…. This is at the first rest stop.
One of them is not believing the other’s story. I think this was before Chuck Norris came out to play…
You can see he did not really get very wet. But he was still mad. But he needs to learn the world does not always revolve around him. He is allowed to state his opinion but that does not mean that I (or anyone else) has to follow it. This is before we dumped. And you can see how the cooler is strapped in there. Makes for keeping the river cleaner. You would not believe the debris sometimes!
This is the sandhill, hard to tell how big it is, but that is the boys way up there. Takes a good 5+ minutes to climb. No I did not.
Spidey takes a ride! One of 006’s art projects …
Getting hair buzzed off….
And grampa too
For my mom… but mine will never taste as good….
