Tuesday Pics

Well, last night's longest night service was interesting to say the least. After saying he was not going to go, the wrestler surprised me by being there.  And I got some baby loving, so I can't complain.  And he was so sweet, asked me if there was anything he could get me (there were refreshments after) while I was holding 000.  So I told him about my secret stash of whipped cream so I could put it in my coffee.  I'm such a girl, I know.

We talked on the phone a bit this am.  He was concerned that our interactions (when we're "alone") were becoming too much about physical stuff.  He was concerned that it was going to make our friendship superficial and he didn't want that.  I told him I didn't want to be used either, and that our friendship meant more than that to me.  He said he hoped I didn't feel used, and I said I don't, but I don't want to either.  That I want something with more depth than that.  Told him that I had a lot of fun watching snowboarding with him, which I did.  He said he'd like to do it more.  I told him the other stuff is fun & exciting and I like it too.  He agreed.  So I'm not really sure where this leaves us, other than both of us liking each other, trusting the other (wow, that's hard), and thinking the other is very loyal & faithful.  It's still one day at a time, and trying to not do any more than that, at least for me.

I know he still hangs out a lot at her place, and he should, they have a baby together.  And I know he still wants to make out with her sometimes, and I understand that too, because it takes awhile for that to go away.  I don't feel that way about Bob anymore.

I am finding myself in a place where I want more, I want to see him more, be around him more.  Find it hard when I see him at church or wherever to not just hug and kiss him right away.  I dream about us a lot. All different kinds of dreams.  Dreams I know will never come true, but they are there anyway. And I think about him, a lot.  And I do mean a lot.  I'm not really sure what all this means.  My therapist says she's not sure I'm ready for a relationship because I still have so much anger & pain from what happened with Bob.  And I think she's right.  But that doesn't stop me from wanting one.

The boys are at Bob's this week, and it's been hard so far.  I'm going down to Westfield tomorrow to have supper with them.  Tomorrow will be a busy day.  I'm packing at FISH, helping the wrestler's mom with her house, visiting my parents, and then driving to see them.  But that's OK cause I like to drive.

Today, besides cleaning the church, is proofing pics day and I've been busy doing a goodly number.  Here are my faves...

Asters in my mom's garden. That's frost on them.  It was beautiful.

Some coneflowers with frost.

I mainly just like the light and colors in this.  The petunias that were growing in the pot were beautiful.  These were taken one morning, going out to the car to go to work & I couldn't resist.

Painting pumpkins.  OK 006 looks like he has no neck & 008 looks like he's got too much neck, but they had so much fun painting these & were so proud!

F14 Tomcat at Grissom Air Museum.  In my head, I was made to fly one of these things.  So that I could be prepared to fly one of these...

Somebody forgot to tell my body to NOT have bad eyeballs.  Sigh, I guess you win some and then you lose some.  It would have been a lot of fun, I'm quite certain.

Thanks for looking!
elle