I promise that I really have not been taken captive by some reclusive clan & forced to join. It just seems as though life always gets away from me. Like a horse without reins. Or a clown car with too many clowns driving… my friend Kevin used to call my old Suzuki X-90 a clown car. How I miss that man. But I know he’s playing for the big man upstairs now.
Anyway, so I’m on a jet plane bound for the Big D and this time I do mean Dallas. As many of you know, I’m a Triage Tech for IntraSectTechnologies in little ole Wabash, IN. One of the tools that I use to keep all the systems in check is a product called Assure-IT made by N-Able. After 6 months of using it (almost) I’m going on some training because I’m driving my boss nuts with all the questions I’ve been asking. Actually, he’s a great guy (a bit over worked) and paid me a very dear compliment the other day telling me I’ve picked up “all this stuff” that fastest of anyone he’s hired so far. Cool. No pressure! I’m excited, a little bit nervous. I mean, I used to travel all the time, and I LOVED it. I think that’s the part that scares me. I’ll enjoy it & then want to go back to it. I’m hoping it’s not lame & that I’ll learn a lot. I’ll let you know.
We’ve officially started the summer season with the boys. Monday we met in Kokomo so they could spend the next two weeks with the ex. I have such mixed feelings about it. I appreciate the break from being a single mom, love being able to be OMOP (on my own program) for the evenings/mornings & get stuff done, or just be completely lazy. But I miss them so much. They met me at the airport tonight so I could eat dinner with them before leaving. 006 told me he misses me so much when I’m gone. I miss them too. He gave me lots of kisses. Ben is just so much more reserved, but had a million words to tell me (lots of stories from Y camp) which I’m starting to learn is the way he shows affection, talking my ear off.
At home I’ve been pulling weeds a lot, and have even had to make a second pass over where I’ve been before around the playset. It seems like you can hardly tell I’ve pulled more than 10 5 gallon buckets out. I’ve planted some nice summer bulbs as well as some cast off black eyed susans & coneflowers from my mom’s. Speaking of mom, she continues to struggle with her blood pressure. I’m still just totally amazed at how much better she is than where she was last year, which was in CICU down at Methodist. Geez, that seems like a lifetime ago. She has trouble knowing if she’s dribbling down her chin or not, she’s lost those nerves. We made s’mores there Sunday & gave her one. She had chocolate all over, just like 006 would. I was helping her clean up & was just struck by how much like my great-gramma she is. Especially right before she passed. It was a very weird, out-of-body type experience. I just feel so incredibly lucky that she is even still with us.
I can’t believe how much has happened in a year’s time. I broke up with the recruiter, started this weird relationship with the wrestler, which doesn’t really exist any more. Lost my job. Got a new one. Became more grounded in my church. Settled into my house. Finding my skin & becoming more comfortable in it. Who I am, what I am. What I am not. Still struggling with loss, pain, loneliness, feeling like a drifter. Learning to choose better, take control of what I can and let go of what I cannot.
I helped deliver the message on Sunday. We did a special one for Memorial Day where we remembered people in the congregation who have gone on home before us. But the wrestler’s mom & I thought it was also important to recognize those who have served. For that is what it is really about. We’ve had a sailor & a paratrooper from WWII go home, but still have with us 2 from Viet Nam (1 Army, 1 USAF flight surgeon), 2 post Korea soldiers, 1 post Viet Nam soldier, 1 Marine between the 2 Gulfs & 1 National Guardsman currently serving. In a small congregation, even one that belongs to the pacifist side of the fence, that is hard to ignore.
No matter what your feelings are regarding the current political/war situation, most of the freedoms & liberties we enjoy (and take for granted) every day are owed to those fine men & women who in some cases paid the ultimate sacrifice. So that you could protest, complain, disagree, assemble, etc. Without them, as a woman, I may not have been able to vote, wear pants, drive a car, or have a job. As a citizen I might not have had the choice of school or church to attend, who I could marry or where I could live. These are basic things we do every day and don’t even think about. But there are a lot of people out there who don’t/can’t. These are the words I said. I believe them with all my heart.
Sunday night, while at my folks, so I’m really surprised I got it, he texted me. The wrestler. He usually does, every week. Said thanks for saying what I did. He’s not been there much lately so I was surprised to see him. I was more surprised he texted me then. It’s usually on Fridays. Sometimes Tuesdays. I’ve not figured out what that’s all about. My therapist says maybe that’s all he can do/knows how to do right now. Maybe. I have no idea. Don’t ask. Try not to ride that roller coaster.
I found out the recruiter is getting a SCO in July. He’ll be moving to FL. I have mixed feelings about whether or not to see him again before he goes. Maybe to apologize. I now have such a better understanding of why I did what I did. Both to start our relationship & to end it. Funny how that works. I feel guilty.
Took the boys to the drive-n Friday night to see Shrek 4. It wasn’t nearly as bad (aka kid-unfriendly) as what I thought it would be. I’ve been waiting 3 years to get them there. Every time I’ve had them over the summer it’s been not a kid moving playing and when there was a kid movie playing they were at the ex’s. It was totally cool & they loved it so I’m hoping we’ll get the chance to do it again. They always show a double but the second was Iron Man 2 which I thought should have been like a PG 15 instead of PG 13, but what do I know.
I’ve also been working on a lot of new product that I just need to take pics of & then post to the shop, so look for that to come out when I get back. And as always, if you have something specific in mind, just let me know, I love new ideas!
TTFN - elle
2 comments:
sounds like you have been busy.
Hey girl! Ya, I have been, but I think busy-ness is good most days, keeps me out of trouble. And I think that is a really good thing!
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