Done, it's all done... #sundaysetlists

And I didn’t even faint, puke, hyperventilate or lock my knees.  I did goof up a couple of times, I suppose, but that’s ok too. And actually, I had fun doing it.  Well, at least the last 2 paragraphs, and then well, I was disappointed it was over.  I’m sharing this here, because many have asked to see it and thought it would be a good vehicle to use.  And well, as a backup in case my computer blows up.  Also, I’m participating this week in the Sunday Setlist, over at Fred McKinnon http://www.fredmckinnon.com/myblog/2009/11/15/sunday-setlists-69/ .

Please keep in mind, I’m not a pro.  While I’ve done my fair share of public speaking, I must say, it’s different when you are responsible for coming up with the material.  Very different.  I also want to say “Thank you Pastor Kay” for allowing me this incredible opportunity, a chance to catch a glimpse into your life.  Wow.  It was an amazing, powerful experience.

She was wrong, she did it all wrong. She was a woman with a  bad reputation, a prostitute, divorced, unclean, which one? Doesn’t matter, really.  She was not supposed to be there, not supposed to do what she was doing. She was unworthy to be in the house, let alone sit at his feet. And then she broke a perfectly good alabaster jar. And washed his feet with expensive perfume.  Perfume that had she sold it, she could have given the money to his cause. And dried his feet with her hair.  Her hair?! What was she thinking?! She was a woman, the lowliest of low, how on earth could she even think of touching the rabbi?  And by her touching him, he is now unclean. He can’t be unclean, can’t allow himself to be unclean, he wouldn’t be the messiah anymore.  Surely he gets that? Right? These were Simon’s thoughts and words. How could he even think of letting her do this?  If he was really the messiah, doesn’t he know who she is? And Jesus’ response?  Who better to come to me than the most broken?  Who needs me more?

And what about us?  Who are we? Do we identify with the woman or Simon? Because here’s the deal. We can’t do God’s work without being broken. He uses our brokenness to show his greatness. It is through our brokenness that the grace of God is able to leak out of us to surround those around us. 1 peter 4:10 reminds us that we are the steward’s of God’s manifold grace….. we are the delivery mechanism. But if we are closed up, contained, a perfect alabaster jar, can that happen? And can you be that if you are just cracked a wee little bit, or would it be better to be completely broken, shattered so that it doesn’t just leak out, but it gushes out, it floods to sweep away all those around you.  So that they too can get swept in the love of Christ.

Remember the kid’s song: love is something that when you give it away, give it away, give it away. Love is something that when you give it away, you end up having more.  Love is just like a magic penny, hold it tight and you want have any, lend it spend it and you’ll have so many, they’ll roll all over the floor. Isn’t that what Christ wanted us to do, isn’t the greatest commandment to love as he has first loved us?

 But can you give it away, or are you too focused like Simon on keeping your jar together? Does anyone have their jar all together? The reality is that none of us do. And so many of us, myself included, are just so focused on putting the jar back together that we hold everything inside, close to us, afraid to let it out. But I’m discovering that is the wrong approach. We need to embrace our brokenness. We need to let go of getting our jars together so that God’s love and grace can spill out of us and affect those around us. We don’t want complete jars, it just won’t work that way.  It can’t get out of us and into someone else, if our jar is pristine.

We are all flawed. We all have cracks.  But society teaches us we need to be perfect.  In every aspect. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. Every aspect of our lives is put under a microscope. We feel as though we are being judged constantly – every move we make.  But who is our biggest critic?  Who is our biggest judge?  Who is the Simon in our life? Let’s face it, we are both.  We are the woman, and we are Simon.  Our biggest judge is ourselves. That internal Simon that won’t stop talking. No duct tape in site to put over his mouth. It’s almost like playing the game of Simon, remember, with the 4 colors and you had to push the colors in the order that the little computer put them in? We do the same thing.  Whatever that voice says, we repeat, and repeat and repeat to ourselves until we believe them.  We actually believe them.

And why do we believe those words? Because we are broken.  Because we all have the same fear of rejection. We all have this inner need to be loved & valued. To be appreciated. But yet we don’t feel as though we deserve it.  Because of that inner voice. And so because of that, because we are taught that being weak is the same thing as being bad and ineffective we hide our brokenness away so that no one can see it. We hide it behind these level 10 force fields trying desperately to not only keep the brokenness together and not let anyone see our damaged goods, but detrimentally also keeping his love hidden away inside. In essence, we hide those broken aspects of ourselves away, behind a mask of perfection, of a “I got it together, you’re not gonna see the icky part of me” image of what we want other people to see. Until we almost deceive ourselves.

And the most amazing, backward-thinking thing is that when you are the weakest you get the most love, when you are the most broken you get the most grace. And in turn are able to give the most love and grace. We are not able to do his work by ourselves.  We have to allow him to work through us.  But the only way that work comes out is by us turning off our force fields. To let it get through our security systems, climb the walls and breach the perimeter.  By allowing him to show and use our brokenness. By removing the masks that hide our pain and shame.

Plain and simple, his efforts are strongest when ours are the weakest. Huh? But how can that be? We get so focused on the “should nots” and “shoulds” of being good Christian boys & girls that we loose sight of who he made us to be and who he is.

Let’s take a different look at Christ for a moment.  Do you think he was ever hungry, thirsty, dirty, tired, scared, or angry? Do you ever think he just got so frustrated with the disciples because they just didn’t get it?  “Peter, if I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times, I have come to save you.  I am the son of God, come on man, just trust me on this one”. 

But he was also the son of Man. We tend to get so caught up in his holiness that we forget he was also human. He HAD to be human.  And you know, he could have changed any circumstance in a heartbeat just by calling it out.  He could have ordered a Jacuzzi tub for his feet when they were cold, hurt and tired.  He could have drawn forth a feast for himself and his followers when he was hungry, a comfortable bed to lie on when he was sleepy. But he chose not to.  He chose to endure, to be like us.

It was through his humanity that he was able to establish that link to us.  To understand how we feel when we are scared to death, angry to our wits end, desperate with no end in site. Praying in the garden he was frustrated with his friends, his brothers.  They kept falling asleep on him, they disappointed him.  He rebukes them.  He is scared.  He sweats blood.  What? That’s some serious fear there. I mean, I’ve been scared before, but that’s never happened.  Dude….He knows what is coming.  He doesn’t want it, but he absolutely wants to do the will of his father. He does have a choice. How tempting would it have been as a man to at that moment use his holiness to pass the cup, to at that moment just ascend to heaven and be done with the whole deal.  To duck the job. How many of us would have been able to make the decision he made?

In my mind that prayer goes something like “ok, dad, listen, you know, why can’t you just like, you know, write a note, or something and give everybody a get out of jail free card and a free spin and then we can have a party and celebrate?  I’ll make sure the pantry is stocked with plenty of bread & fish & wine.  You know I’m really good at that.  Why does it have to be this way? Can’t you just give me the keys to the car and like I’ll drive away, you never have to see me again, I promise I’ll take good care of it.  Isn’t there someone else who could do it? Maybe even better than me, I’m kinda squeamish on the whole blood thing. Yea, I know, I know dad, really, it is what I have to do.  I don’t want to, I really don’t want to.  I’m scared, what’s going to happen? Are you going to be there for me when it’s all done?  I think I’m gonna need a hug after all of that. I want to do what you want me to, but, well, it’s a little over the top, don’t you think? No, there’s no other way?  Ok, well, I’ll trust you, I mean you’re my dad and all and I know you know what’s best”.

How many of us, how many times, have we been there saying those exact same words to God? He understands that feeling you are feeling because he felt that same agony.  His feet hurt after a long day of walking.  His voice got scratchy after a long day of teaching.  He got tired after a hard day’s work – he fell asleep in the middle of a storm no less.  So he gets that feeling that each of us feel.  It is in his very humanity that he’s able to forgive us when we get angry, when we disappoint, when we don’t live up to our potential.

He wants us to learn from those moments of despair. We need to learn to forgive ourselves and others. We need to learn that there is someone else out there, this very moment that needs the experience we’ve had.  Who needs that encouragement that someone else has been through the muck and the mire and survived, and maybe not just survived, but discovered how to thrive.  It is our very brokenness that not only allows us to help heal someone else, but also in token to heal ourselves in the same process.  But if we never admit to our brokenness and show it then how can he use it?  At that point, they are just mistakes instead of stepping stones.
Henri Nouwen says in The Wounded Healer – “Nobody escapes being wounded. We all are wounded people, whether physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. The main question is not “How can we hide our wounds?” so we don’t have to be embarrassed, but “How can we put our woundedness in the service of others?” When our wounds cease to be a source of shame, and become a source of healing, we have become wounded healers.
Jesus is God’s wounded healer: through his wounds we are healed. Jesus’ suffering and death brought joy and life. His humiliation brought glory; his rejection brought a community of love. As followers of Jesus we can also allow our wounds to bring healing to others.”
A friend of mine once said something very similar.  We all have bad ju-ju inside us.  It doesn’t matter what it is, it’s all the same.  It ends up making us all feel the same crummy way. We begin to heal by not only recognizing that in others, but also in ourselves.  By allowing ourselves to be broken in the first place. So that the love of God can be released and radiate to all those around us.

Because his grace IS sufficient, for any and all of our brokenness. It has to be, because there is no other way. There is no brokenness so dark, so bleak, so awful that the light of his grace cannot eradicate it from our souls. His grace is what allows our brokenness to heal and be transformed into his love and glory for those around us.  We are the mechanisms of his grace, but only when we allow it to freely flow out of us, just as water spills forth from a broken vessel.  The really amazing thing is that unlike the vessel which empties its contents and has no more, we just never run out of grace.

In a popular Christian rock song, the lyrics say:

Cause I got a couple dents in my fender
Got a couple rips in my jeans
Trying to fit the pieces together
But perfection is my enemy
On my own I'm so clumsy
But on Your shoulders I can see
I'm free to be me


We all need to be free to be me.  The real me. The broken me.

She took a risk.  She understood what could happen.  She knew she could be scorned, ridiculed, thrown out of the house or worse. But she chose to do it anyway.  She chose to be herself, to be free. She was the only one who could do it. Her, a broken, wounded sinful woman. Because her need for healing outweighed her fear of the consequences. Because she got it. She got what the disciples struggled to get even after 3 years with him. She got what Simon didn’t. She got that he really was the wonderful counselor, the great physician, here to heal, and save, us all, if we can but just acknowledge the brokenness.


Thank you very much for reading….
elle

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