Where have all the flowers gone?

 Well, technically, they are not gone yet, but soon will be.  I can't believe it is the end of September already.  The fig tree has fruit on it, it looks like it is going to be a good harvest.  There might even be one or two ready.

Temperatures are on the downward trend, we did have 90s the first week or so, then 80s.  This week will probably be 70s.  Always such a change, and it's hard on me, I know what is coming, and I don't like it.  So now we've got to squeeze as much out of it as what we can.

Old Business:

• Hands Heal - my client still has it.
• Outside chores - Back stairs are stained, but then it kinda dropped off.  
• Inside chores - doing better, I'm getting 1-2 done per week in addition to the stuff that has to be done every day.
• Perfect Union - still reading.  Have had a couple of nights with good bursts.
• NCBTMB - Yup, still need to schedule
• P4S - BAD
• Garage, still bad
• Magazines - doing OK.
• Still 1 shade to go in the dining room - need a rainy day that I don't take a nap with my cat!
• No more issues with getting the service to go Live on YouTube!  Yea!!!
• Mowing has really slowed down. Last Saturday we got some good rain (13th) and then today so that should help.  We have been really dry.
• Weeding - I am now officially further along with cleaning out than what I was last year. That feels amazing, especially since I still have a few more weekends yet before it gets really cold outside.
• Cherry tree is planted and doing well.  I put it on the west side, by the fence and woodpile.
• National Conference in Dallas was really great!  Went down a bit early to do some sightseeing, and just really enjoyed the conference too.
• Getting better at planning on what to do each day, and I've divided my list that I keep in my planner to: Personal, Work, and AMTA.  That has been very helpful and lets me see just that area's items to pick what is priority.
• Staycation did not work out the way I wanted it to, but it was still good.
• My visit with 021 was amazing!  Got to spend the night and meet her roommates.
• I did get down to see D&K in August and we had a great time.  I got to see the remodeling of the kitchen, and it is so amazing!
• I took today off today, I spent Saturday and Sunday with 024 and that was amazing!  Always so good to see the two of them. They took me to a couple of great eateries, and the bookshop.  Love that, I get to learn a little bit more of what my kiddo likes.  We watched some funny YouTube videos, read together, and just talked.

New Business:

• Looking forward to State Conference in October.
• We are having a block party at church this weekend, it should be so much fun!  I'll also have baby bro that weekend, so I'll take him back home before.
• Attended his ISP/BSP last week, and it was great to ge an "extra" visit with him.
• Need to find another therapist.  Unfortunately KL had to leave due to some personal issues. Will go to the next career fair.
• Can't believe it will be November and Thanksgiving soon!

Not blown away...

 ... we had our first round of really strong spring storms yesterday. The kitty was uncertain about it all, but did OK. It made the house creak and the chimney howl.

Old Business:

• Hands Heal continues to be informative, and makes me think about how I do my charting and intake and how I could improve
• Chores were OK last week. I had Monday off, so did some housework, as well as a lot of paperwork for work
• Still having hard time with Perfect Union
• Advocacy Day is planned for Apr 8 - it's going to be fun!
• Need to schedule NCBTMB
• 2024 recap done, but have not started back up with P4S
• Garage gets little bites done, maybe I just need to resign myself to it always being messy
• Magazines going well
• I have another shade done for the dining room, so one left
• Still need to get pulmonologist appointment and tests done
• YouTube at church is still being a pain, but I think I have some answers
• E's party went great!  Everybody had a good time
• Three Dog Night concert went well too, 023 watched Uncle E for me and did a GREAT job.  They both like to dote on him, it's sweet!
• Newest hire is doing great, she is so wonderful!

New Business

• Trying to finish up some winter projects now that spring is arriving
• Need to get lawnmower started and make sure it is ready to go
• Gonna have to start getting back to weeding.  We are starting to get a few popping up here and there.  Mostly dandelions and creeping charlie - hoping with all that I did in the fall, and all of the wood chips it doesn't get as bad in the sections I have done, like that I can maintain them, and get more of the bad ones done
• Lenten Roses are blooming!  They are so beautiful!
• Cherry tree that I bought in the fall and over wintered in the garage has leaves popping out! Now I just gotta figure out where to plant it!
• Looking forward to state AMTA conference and board meeting

June 2016 Flickr Post

Well, somehow life has happened and I've gotten a wee bit behind again, but you just gotta keep truckin'!  As always, you can see the complete upload by clicking this link, and here are a few of my faves!

Here is 012 as my undersecretary.  He said that is NOT what he was, he was the assistant executive assistant.  Either way, it was actually fun to have him go with me and help, and I think good experience for him too.  And he made some money too.

Speaking of money, 015 had his first summer job this year.  He worked at the cemetery with my dad, on the trimming crew.   Lots of exercise, and a good amount of money too.  This was his first ever pay check!

The Hooligans did the flyover at the Belle Isle race again this year, very awesome to see the Detroit skyline!

The same day, the Hooligans also did a Wings of Mercy event in Muskegon.  Busy day but very fun!

015 lettered in track this year.  Totally cool!

Being my assistant also meant helping me at home.  So the family ride got a good bath.  And he did many other things around the house too, like helping me get the shed re-organized (you'll have to check the feed for that!) and many plants planted, and grass cut.

La Fontaine has a town festival every year, and someone got second place in the cornhole tournament with a friend.

Some brotherly love at the newly opened Curb-a-teria.  They were around when I was a kid, and then went away for a long time.  Someone was very fascinated by the spinny stool.

The youth at church also packed cleanup buckets for Church World Service.  They then distribute them to areas that have been hit by disasters.  It was quite the puzzle to get it to all fit in the 5 gallon bucket, but they were up to the challenge, and succeeded!

February 2016 Flickr Upload

Good morning!!! Looks like I uploaded these to Flickr, but forgot to post my faves here...  As always, the entire feed is here, if you wish to check them out...  Since I have faster, and non-metered service, I'm finding more pictures are my favorites, so I apologize if you are not in the same situation...

014 leading part of the service...

012 during part of the skit...

 National Junior High Sunday was in November, actually the first Sunday of Advent, so we pushed ours out to February.  It was a fun day of worship, and then fellowship later at C&D's house.

 A was nice enough to take the camera from me for a minute and take some photos so I got to be in on the action too!

014 decided to do Science Olympiad again this year.  It was at Purdue and it was COLD that day.  But we didn't have to drive through a blizzard.  Funny thing was the Goshen area had another near-blizzard day.  So glad they changed it.  We weren't allowed in the room where he was taking the test, so we tried to embarrass him a bit through the window.  Thanks to Trena and her never-ending good humor in helping us get the shot.

 Valentine's Flowers, a few days old.  They were starting to not do so good.  Why can't I ever remember to get the photo when I first get them!?

Not sure you can see it, but there is a "pending sale" sign on the sign.  Can't believe this is finally happening!!!

Someone wanted to try bacon pancakes.  Now his favorites...

Dating your kids.... Interesting thoughts...

This is not mine, but something I found.  It is not a new idea, but I do really like how it is worded, and I like how he also equates it to how managers and leaders should behave.  As we, as a society, move more and more toward the service industry, we have seem to lose more and more every day the concept of what service actually is.  I see so many businesspeople who are rude, arrogant and disrespectful not only of their own clientele, but also of their staff.  If you ask me, this is not a recipe for success.

So, here it is...

From the EOS blog

Date Your Kids by: Clark Neuhoff 

The best parenting advice I ever got was to date my kids. For all the parenting mistakes I made, I took this one to heart and to this day I have strong relationships and open communication with my adult children. The idea is simple. I asked for one hour each week and I’d buy (of course). They pick the place and time, they just have to talk…about anything. Their agenda not mine, I just needed to hear what’s going on. My promise was not to lecture.

Here’s why it works. It’s a safe place, it’s about them and we developed the discipline and trust before the crises occurred. To build solid relationships that are based on trust, it takes time invested and it doesn’t happen by itself.

Great Managers Date Their Teams

This is a perfect illustration for how we become great managers and get the most out of our people. The EOS journey is about becoming your best. We challenge each of our clients to become their best, and part of that is being “good parents.” Just have a few rules, repeat yourself often and above all be consistent—walk the talk. As managers, we also need to have regular meetings with our people to build relationships and stay connected, especially in this digital virtual world.

Maybe you’re thinking, “Well, I talk to my people every day…” “When I need something I just go ask them…” or, “Just last week I had some open time so I popped in and gave Bill 30 minutes to give me an update.” There are several weakness here. We may talk to people, but is it focused on them and their needs or just what we want? Is it driven by your schedule, when it’s convenient for you? Is it random? If you only get a few times a year with the boss you certainly want to be prepared, not surprised!

The Greatest Management Weakness

A manager’s greatest weakness is missing the opportunity to strengthen your relationships with your people, and it’s simple to correct. By scheduling these one-on-ones, you show that you value them and their time, you’re committed to their success over the long haul, you build trust by saying you’ll be there and showing up. Will things come up and be rescheduled? Of course, that’s life. But you’re committed to staying connected. You’re willing to share with them your most precious and perishable commodity, your time.

Commit to Your Commitments

I met weekly for coffee with each of my kids. When my youngest was in junior high, he picked Starbucks every Monday evening at 7:30. Every Monday morning he would ask, “Are we going out for coffee tonight?” Yep, Son!

After literally months of this same question every week, in spite of fairly consistent execution on my part, why did he keep needing to ask? Then it hit me. He knew how important my schedule was, and being there for my clients. I had trained him for all 12 years of his life that there is a schedule but if a work thing came up you dropped what you’re doing and responded. I served the all-powerful calendar. I confess (and I’m not proud of it) that I even bumped some family commitments for work things. He understood that it’s just how it goes sometimes. But I was missing the opportunity to show him just how valuable he is to me.

So the next Monday morning when he walked by on his way out the door and asked, “Coffee tonight Dad?” I told him I wanted to show him something. I turned my laptop around and pointed to a green box at 7:30 on Monday evening that said Ethan-Coffee. Then I showed him that little repeating arrows circle. He had made it on to Dad’s calendar—forever, right there among all the work stuff! For the rest of high school he never had to ask again.

Simple things can demonstrate value, build trust and strengthen relationships. This will produce greater accountability and better results.

LO Share on BenzillaScrapping - ZM

Here is a link to the layout, thanks for checking it out!

Happy almost last day of 2014, I wish that 2015 brings you many, many blessings!

In His Peace,
Elle

Video Share

Landfill Music

I think I saw this on Arlin's blog some time back.  Just has taken me a while to post it.  It really shows the human desire for beauty and the divine power to overcome earthly problems.  So many of us live in such great wealth that we have lost the ability to do this.  And I'm not talking just about those people who live in 5000 square foot houses.  When was the last time you had to worry about eating a meal, or having enough money for your child to eat lunch at school, or being able to rent the band instrument, or even buy them a pair of shoes? Have we gained so much that we have so little regard for it? 

And you don't have to travel half-way around the world to be faced with people who every day are struggling.  RIGHT NOW there is a child in your kid's class who doesn't get a breakfast every morning, that the only meal they get is the one served at school.  The one your kid didn't want to eat because it was yucky.

Let this inspire you today, that something so beautiful and amazing can come out of such humble roots.  Let it inspire you to be more grateful for what you have in your life right now - the people, the things, the job.  Let it inspire you to somehow make a difference in someone else's life.

Peace,
elle

September 2011 Flickr Upload

Wow, September last year was a busy month!  The rest of the photos are here http://www.flickr.com/photos/81154606@N00/..

Gigantic Ice Cream at Ugalde’s!

I don’t think even he was able to eat all of it…

Getting ready to go Canoeing on the Pine River.  It was foggy over the river that morning, it was beautiful!

010 & I taking a break…

I don’t think Ken is believing 008’s story…

008 still not very happy, but I am very thankful now he had that life jacket on!

Ken & Theresa – Crazy good people

The Sand Hill

It is huge!

What goes up…

Must come down…

Beautiful mushroom I found the morning we left.

A little bit of skin art…

This thing hung on even at 60, can you see it?

Hooligans – Nappanee Apple Fest

Barb

Hooligans – Nappanee Applefest

Riding in style in Grampa’s Packard

Hooligans – Wabash Special Olympics Fly-in

Hooligans – Wabash Special Olympics Fly-in

Canoeing at Church

Fall Reading Fair

Fall Reading Fair

My two loves…

I can fly higher than anything...

…in my magic box has wings… or at least I wish I owned one… check out the song here.  I love this lady!

http://www.nickjr.com/kids-videos/jack-magic-box.html

Well, it has certainly been a long time since I’ve posted anything.  I’ve been very busy trying to go through all 700+ pictures and ended up with 324 that I think were worthy.  They have all been proofed, edited, copied, cleaned up & burnt to DVDs.  The DVDs got mailed out to the guys yesterday.  I was talking with EE last night on the phone, I should have included a card I thought later.  But they’re guys, they don’t care, right?  You can check them out here

http://www.flickr.com/photos/81154606@N00/

I also made up a couple of thank you gifts for 010 & 007’s teachers.  Now I’m ready to make a mini book for EE on the trip.  I had tried, unsuccessfully twice, to make him a sculpture (clay) of his plane. I was just a complete mess in tears.  And bless his heart, he had figured out what I was up to & still didn’t say anything until I told him because he wanted it to stay a surprise.  He is about the sweetest thing ever.  However, it was wonderful fun, but extremely frustrating to put so many hours (that I don’t always have) and then just have it break & fall apart!  I’m thinking I’ll keep it up when I’m not under so much pressure…  In the meantime, I’ll sketch the cover of it & perhaps that will add a personal touch to it.  I want to keep it simple so he can take it & put it on his desk at work.

A few weeks ago, GM had an open house & he invited us over to see the plant tour.  We got there right after the last one had left, they weren’t letting any more people in.  But knowing someone “on the inside” has it’s perks as he snuck us in the employee entrance, found us some safety goggles & away we were!  010 absolutely loved it & had a million questions.  And since he is the most patient person on the planet, took plenty of time to answer & show.   007 didn’t like it as much but I think it had something to do with the earplugs.  I wasn’t allowed to take pictures L.  But it was truly fascinating and it was really cool to see his office & desk so now I have a picture in my head when he’s talking about stuff.  It is gigantic!  The plant that is.  His office is kinda smallish-normal sized.  We went to B&K afterwards for dogs & suds.

2 weekends ago we went up to his property north of Baldwin, MI so we could go to the blessing of the bikes.  It was cold & rainy & we didn’t do any riding.  But we did have a lot of fun.  It is very peaceful there and since it barely has running water & only electricity from the generator, there are none of the trappings that would distract you from relaxing.  It was a bit of a drive, 5+ hours, but well worth it.  In fact we are going back this weekend and I just can’t wait.  Mostly because it has been since Monday since I’ve seen him & I always get bummed out going so long.  I just always feel so peaceful & relaxed around him, I just desire it more & more every day.  I don’t think I can really even explain the way I feel.  Most times at work I just can’t even think & concentrate.  My head is anywhere but there. But partially because of what I just said.  I think I’m close to a midlife crisis or mental breakdown or something. I’ve made so many mistakes this week at work & just really feel like I’ve lost my edge.  And sadly, I’m just not even sure I care.  I want to retire or be declared incapable of working.  I’m not sure how much I can handle.

I keep getting more & more responsibility as my boss is off-loading more of his day to day stuff to his team leads.  So I’m more of a manager, but still expected to be completely a technical resource too.  Same for the other lead.  I don’t know how he keeps up with it.  Maybe it just doesn’t bother him because he doesn’t have day to day interactions with his 3 team members.  I only have 2 but we’re almost attached at the hip & they are both still pretty new.  I’m stressed out & stretched too thin.  There is not enough time in the day to develop standards, get training, get tickets resolved, deal with customer issues, deal with tech issues & all the other stuff that pops up like phone calls & customers coming in & things breaking & other stuff not getting done right because we don’t have the standards & procedures in place yet.  Makes me want to cry uncle!

On a good note, I should have the bike paid off by next month!  I so can’t wait to start saving up for the garage/bedroom project. I keep pestering my tax dude about the home purchase credit I should have gotten back in 2009 but he keeps stalling.  That drives me a bit crazy.  Could be good seed money for the project.

This summer I really want to go through the studio & CLEAN IT ALL UP!  I’ve got stuff crammed everywhere & it is just frustrating me.  Can’t get to stuff because other stuff falls out, looks cluttered, not getting projects done, etc.  014 is going to have to come over & help maybe. 

I’ve also started Mulch project 2011 with 11 scoops (cubic yards) of black beauty.  I’m already 2+ months ahead of where I was last year.  This year I’m not even much pulling weeds, just putting the cardboard down & covering with mulch. Where I’ve done that consistently in the past there was not much “growth” and if I can get it done before everything turns to seed that will make next year even better.  Last year most of it went to seed.  I’m going to finish off the bit by the driveway & add the walkway from the driveway to the house.  I’ve got some more shrubbery to put out there too, so it is starting to get filled in.  Which will help with the weeds too.  And if I have enough I want to get around the front of the shed & start on the garden idea I have.

Last Saturday I took EE over to the sibling units for my nephew & brother’s birthdays.  Which worked out because EE’s is the same day as 016’s.  We had a good lunch & visit in the afternoon & then back home.  I felt horrible for him though.  He was not originally slated to work Saturday night, but found out Friday that he would have to.  I didn’t want him to go but he insisted.  So he was up Fri afternoon essentially until Sunday morning, save a nap on the way back and another short nap when we got back.  I tucked him in.  Didn’t want to leave.  Didn’t want him to go to sleep either.  But I was good.

Today was the last day of school!  010 received 4 awards for: Accelerated reader, Math Bowl, Battle of the Books, and Fiction through the Alphabet.  I was so proud of him!  007 was sad he didn’t get any.  I hope he does next year.  Next year 010 will be at LaFountaine now that they have restructured the schools.  They will not be back in the same building until 010 is in 9^th grade & 007 is in 7^th.  Seems like a long way off.

Well, that is about it, I need to pay bills & get to bed so that I can be ready for my long drive tomorrow.  EE went up to Battle Creek today so he could work on the barn & pick the Ducati up at the dealer. I will meet him up there tomorrow & then we’ll head up north together with the lawnmower so he can take care of that before it gets too long.  I don’t think we’re taking the other bike as the weather is not supposed to be all that great.

I’ll try not to take so long now that I have all those crazy pictures done.

Catching up...

I think life is catching up to me.  In so many ways.  Some times i just feel rushed, stressed, overwhelmed, sad, happy, relaxed, you name it.  It has been fun to sort my parents pictures, you can read more about it here.

Maybe it's just that between Thanksgiving entering into Christmas holiday.  You know, you're so looking forward to Thanksgiving, so busy, getting everything done, then there is a bit of a lull until Christmas but it is jammed packed full of decorating churches, caroling, Christmas (company or not) parties, Advent programs, buying presents, wrapping presents, baking and sometimes you just realize you don't want to do it all by yourself, that you want someone else to share the experience with you.  I am that kind of person.  Sharing the journey with someone for me makes it more meaningful.  I don't know why.  I am just so not looking forward to Christmas this year because their dad gets them the first week of break this year.  I'm not dreading it, I'm just ambivalent, like, Oh, is is Christmas time?

The wrestler and I continue to have more and more contact.  I had lunch with him 2 Fridays ago, that was cool, I got to see his lab (he fits prosthetics or however you spell it!) and we talked.  And a bit more.  He stopped by the house last week and that was fun.  He called me Sunday to explain why he wasn't at church when he said he was going to.  That really blew me away.  I mean, I was totally not expecting it, it was so not necessary (but totally cool & sweet) cause it's not like we're really together or anything.  I mean, he doesn't owe me an explanation, right? Does that make sense?  He had gone to see his brother Saturday (which he called to tell me he was going to do, so re-read previous statements, they apply here too) and just decided to hang out until Sunday.

Of course, I missed him, but I kinda figured that's what had happened.  So double my surprise that he called and didn't want me to be worried.  It is getting to where we do communicate in some form every day.  Not sure what that means, or where it will take us, but I know sometimes it is hard to keep with this I'm going to take it slow thing.  But mostly, it has been good, and fun to do it.

006 had his Christmas program yesterday, Bob drove up to see it and joined us for supper.  Weird to have him in my space.  Like we're a family again, almost, but not.  We drove together.  Weird too.  But the boys enjoyed it.  006 almost didn't go.  He's not been feeling well since he came back, small cough and cold.  And he was tired, you could just see it in his face.  I found him (while I was cooking supper) in his bed with the covers up over his head.  He was mostly asleep, poor guy!  But he did go, had a great time, and they did FANTASTIC!  It's always so much fun to watch!

I had both my cameras there. Got 1 shot from the DSLR, then the battery died. Dang!  Whipped out the Nikon P&S, wouldn't even turn on the batteries were sooo dead.  Bob used his iPhone camera.  Not the best, but better than nothing.  It made my little hard sooo sad.  He was sooo stinkin' cute and right on the front row!

My mom & dad were both there.  That made my heart do cartwheels.  She doesn't get around very well so I was completely surprised she was there.  I knew dad was going to be.  I think she liked it.  It's hard to tell sometimes.  She has therapy this AM, so I'm waiting until this PM to go visit.

006 also has a doctor's appointment today to figure out what the weird growth is on his toe.  Probably just a wart, but it's on the side of his big toe & it rubs on his shoe and is VERY painful.  And starting tomorrow, they want to go back to riding the bus in the AM.  I still want to pick them up in the PMs as it just makes things go smoother, not as much rushing.  Which I hate rushing, but seem to do it all the time... go figure!

A week in the life of a crazy, insane 40 year old woman...

OK, so I'm probably not quite that bad, but.... So last week was Thanksgiving, you know, the day in the US where you can stuff yourself full with as much food as you want & the calories don't exist?  Yea, that one.  Monday was normal.  For me.  That meant, gymnastics, swimming, supper, homework, bath & reading, but no worship team for once, yea!  Don't get me wrong, I love being on worship team, but....

Tuesday I ended up helping with 000 so gramma could get ready for Thanksgiving.  He's just so stinkin' cute and has hair that will NOT behave (OK, let's all do our bad Austin Powers impersonations now....).  Then I went home and had bakefest 2009, if you were reading my tweets & FB updates.  Pie crusts, banana muffins, pies, cinnamon rolls.  Oh, and taking Ben (Zack's decided he doesn't like it for some unexplained reason!) to Pioneers club.  And trying not to eat everything in site cause it smells so good.

Wednesday I helped with 000 again, but the wrestler was there too.  Not going to go into why, not my story.  But we were there alone in his mom's house, and we behaved.  Really.  Just talked for a bit.  Not that I wasn't tempted when he was taking a shower, cause trust me, I was.  I soooo was.  He told me that I was awesome & I rocked.  Sigh, I just want that to mean so much more than he probably means it.  His dad told me that it has been really nice lately to have me around the house.  Huh? Wow.  Not sure where to go with that one.

Then it was back to my house to get packed, get the car packed, get the boys fed, bathed and in the car.  And oh snap! I forgot to stop by Modoc's to get coffee for D&K so that means needing to go into town before leaving.  And it's raining, I hate driving in the rain.  It is a 2+ hour drive to my brother's house.  The boys are totally looking forward to spending the night with Kevin. Which I think is totally cool.  And I think it is totally cool that at 14 he likes hanging out with 008 & 006.

We get there, and they go to bed.  We adults stay up and talk for a bit.  Mom & Dad won't be over tomorrow for the meal. She's come down with pneumonia too.  Dad got it last week.  Geez, just when they get a break.  Thursday doesn't much feel like Thanksgiving because of that.  Dan & I work on 014's computer.  That's fun, to totally geek out.  And to talk to him like an adult about how computers & operating systems work.   His new one has Windows 7 on it and he's not understanding why his 5+ year old games don't want to play nice & happy on it.

We drive home late Thursday and it is dark and rainy.  Again.  And my iPod is dead.  So I guess I'll just use the Garmin but I don't have playlists set up on it well and have to skip songs.  And it's flaky.  And I end up parallel to the Indiana state line instead of crossing and can't figure out why it's taking so long to get there.  So the map really helped.

Friday we hung out at the house & goofed off.  Took leftovers over to the parental unit's house.  Then I have to leave for Kokomo so the boys can be with their dad on Thanksgiving.  I find out later he didn't even do Thanksgiving with them and that irritates me.  Even if you can't be with all the family, can't you just do it for yourselves?  Develop your own traditions?  Anyway.... And I had a message from the wrestler, so we chatted a bit.  That was really cool.  Fun. Unexpected.

Saturday I worked on my class kit for December, and watched Farscape, and cleaned the church & worked on laundry.

Sunday, we had breakfast at the church so I went.  After, I went out to steal a piece of gum from Zack's stash, and there he was in the parking lot with 000.  My brain crashes.  Geez, why does he have this affect on me and what is it?  We talk.  He apologizes for not calling yesterday.  I tell him it's OK.  He goes & sits down, I fuss with worship team stuff cause I can't decide what to do, do I sit next to him or not?   I opt for not since he did not invite me.  I sit a couple rows behind, where I still have a good view of ... pastor kay, Yea, that's it....

During service he gets up & leaves, and then later comes back.  He sits next to me.  Wow.  He leans over to whisper in my ear that he has something to tell me after church (he never did say what it was!).  I help hold the hymnal so he can sing.  I hold 000 for a bit.  He's just so snuggly!  Later, it's communion & he can't take a piece of bread (we do unleavened bread & I made it this week).  So when it's time, without thinking, after I break it, I pop half of it in his mouth. Oh wow, what did I just do.  We both laugh, but it was one of those I'm outside myself moments.  It reminded me of cake.  I don't want to be reminded of cake. Luckily he's able to do the cup by that time.

We talk a bit after service, hug each other good bye. It is a really nice, long hug, not just one of those fly-by squeezes.  He promises to call soon.  OK.  I really am just trying hard to hang back.  It is hard for me, but I see the benefits. I think I'm doing OK with it.  It really is the way it needs to be. Like advent, I'm just sort of waiting and watching to see how it will all unfold.  It is sort of interesting to take that perspective.  To make a conscious, intentional choice, as opposed to just letting things happen to you.  To prepare yourself to be receptive; to open up to the possibilities.

I'm choosing to take this time to get to know me again, what I want out of a relationship, what I bring to a relationship.  What I want out of life.  What kind of mother I want to be.  How I can best serve my parents & my church.  I'm learning a ton and sometimes it's a bit overwhelming.  As painful as it has been, I would not give up this journey.  I would have chosen these last 5 months all over again.  And that, honestly, is  a good feeling.  These months have had value, merit.

Tonight, 008 gets off the bus and tells me over recess he was tackled, and that he bit his tongue.  Didn't think much of it.  So we went to gymnastics & swimming.  We're eating & he's complaining of having to chew funny.  So I have him stick out his tongue.  I just about puke!  No kidding.  If it were a finger I'd take him to the ER.  YIKES.  I call my dad, he's not home, I call the ex, he's not answering, I call a couple from church who live close, their number rings busy.  OK, now what do I do, it's 6:30, everything in Wabash is closed & I need someone to look at this tongue!  I call the wrestler. I feel horrible for bothering him, and silly for having to ask.  He said have him rinse with warm salt water, check, I knew to do that, where was my brain!  His dad, a MD says they won't stitch a tongue, so just keep an eye on it for bleeding.  Remarkably, it has not bled since he was home & it didn't much at school, but he was sent in to wash his face.  OK, now also keep in mind I'm miffed that the school never notified me! If it bleeds he needs to go in. He also said "hey let me call you back I've got a friend from CA leaving".  Probably one of his Marine buddies.  Sure, I say, but it's not really necessary.  He did anyway, isn't that sweet?  And then (it got really hard to hear/understand, so I asked him again!) he said he would call tomorrow night. Not sure what about, I think he said, but I just said that would be wonderful & bye.

Oh, and then the ex called back.  He was appropriately sympathetic & listening.  As usual.  You can do it, just hang in there.  Dude, I didn't call you cause I didn't think I could handle it, I called you because it freaked me out a bit & I wasn't sure what to do.  I'm usually very calm, cool & collected when it comes to this stuff, so not sure why it freaked me out.  And the fact that I'm freaking out is freaking me out.

And then Dad called back. Hello, grand central!  LOL but it was my own doing!

Sometimes I think I have Asperger's syndrome because I just don't always know how to handle myself socially & prefer small doses in my own choosing.  A lot of times I just don't understand people on the phone & have to ask 2 & 3 times.  Really annoying.  I need face to face to have it make sense & stick.

Will I be able to sleep tonight?  I have no idea!

Yes, we got homework done - 006 takes forever (at anything!), he didn't get his done in time so he lost reading time.  Where he reads.  I've resorted to setting a timer because the boy is sooo slow in the shower & homework.  Like his momma, he gets distracted by every shiny bauble and dust bunny in his path.  At least he gets it honest, but I think that's why it drives me crazy! But he really enjoys life and is so happy go lucky that I don't want to change that part.  I think he's got it more figured out than me.

Hopefully tomorrow we'll all get to read...

Here's looking at you kid.....

re:post - cool homeschool resources

I don’t homeschool my kids (thought about it once or twice…)but we do do a lot of school at home work.  Here is a post from another blog that I love to read where she shares a cool site that helps with spelling words & another that has some really good forms to use for what she calls “illustrate & write” which 006 does a lot of in class.  Both my kids love to draw & I love to see what they have to say about their artwork so I think it is a wonderful idea!  Check it out here….
http://thepioneerwoman.com/homeschooling/2009/11/illustrate-and-write/

Posted via email from benzillascrapping's posterous

update on 006

Ok, we’re fairly certain now after a rather “weird” procedure that he does not have cystic fibrosis.  The test results are back and we’ve not heard anything so that is good news.  Other good news, he had the best lung function test – ever – probably because I’ve been dumping bronchial dilators into him at an obscene rate, so I guess I can stop doing that.  The bad news is that there is something else causing his symptoms and she’s questioning his adenoids.  008 had his taken out when he was almost 5.  along with his tonsils.  So, the next up is a sleep study.  I’m all for just taking him directly to an ent to be evaluated but whatever.  We did the sleep study with (then) 004 and then went to the ent who told me “I don’t even need to look down his throat, they need to come out.  I can tell just by listening to him talk.”  Wow, confidence, I love that! And he was right.  Said the sleep study was a waste of time and money.  I tend to agree with him, hence my desire to go straight to him.  If you are in the (indy) area, it is dr. fang out on the south campus of st. francis.  He has a private surgical center.  He also repaired bob’s deviated septum (one of the worst this dude has ever seen) and did a magnificent job.  If it comes to that, 006 will also go there, we decided last night.  It’s weird that we communicate better now than we ever did together… anyway…..

Another good bit of news, 006 gained a whole pound since the last visit, which is what started this whole thing.  YEA zacky!!!  I was really surprised to hear this as his appetite has been pretty crummy lately & he’s been sick.  So he’s on the rebound would be my guess.  He’s just never been a big eater.  I think there are people in the 3^rd world (no offense, I’m not trying to be mean) who eat more than this child, so you can see her (and my) concern.

On a completely unrelated note, I updated my business logo, be sure to go to www.benzillascrapping.com to check it out!

elle

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pulmologist visit tomorrow

Just a word of prayer from everyone would be really appreciated.  We’ve had a lot of “asthma activity” from both boys the past couple months, they go see their doctor tomorrow and she is new.  We miss our old one, but she’s in Chicago now.  Zack especially is coming under fire because we didn’t even know at the time he was having an asthma flareup (at their last appointment) so hopefully we will get better at identifying his signs.  Also, she is very concerned about his weight.  He has always been lean, but now he’s not even keeping to his own weight gain curve and she fears cystic fibrosis.  I don’t think it is, as he doesn’t appear to have the symptoms, but she wants to test him just to rule it out.  We’ve been trying to fatten him up for winter, but he’s good at just eating until he’s not hungry anymore.  And we’ve tried (well, read that I’ve tried) to be better at packing a snack for school.  So let’s see if our efforts pay off.  I’ll know tomorrow….

elle

Posted via email from benzillascrapping's posterous

The First E-Mail Address: Raising an Internet-Savvy Child | GeekDad | Wired.com

The First E-Mail Address: Raising an Internet-Savvy Child | GeekDad | Wired.com

just some very good, cursory advice for parents of tech-aware children, and whose are not? as a former email systems admin, i wish my users would have followed this advice, but that was at least a million years ago and the internet is just a completely different creature.

happy birthday 005!

you are now 006.  i remember the day you were born like it were yesterday.  we were trying to finish up the bathroom remodel.  daddy left grampa bob with very specific instructions that the toilet needed to work when i got back.  you and i spent 2 days in the hospital together, just the 2 of us getting to know each other.  it was the first time daddy was really alone with ben for a long time and had to take care of him.  i think it gave him more of an appreciation of what i did while he traveled.

ben was a c-section.  i was so scared you would be too.  but you weren't.  at the last minute you decided to enter this world.  and that set the precedence.  you do everything on your own time, your own terms or it just doesn't work.  period.  you are stubborn & flexible.  easy going, demonstrative with your affection. fun loving and personable.  you idolize your big brother and miss him when he's gone.

when ben would come to the hospital (a 45 minute drive almost!) he called it the waterfall hospital.  he liked it because daddy or grampa jack would buy him skittles.  when we brought you home it took about a week, but then he started asking if we could take you back. no buddy, this little guy is here to stay.

being a mom of 2 was pretty rocky for me from the get go.  daddy traveled.  a lot.  i was a single parent a lot (looking back, i guess this was preparation). there was no one really around who offered to help or that i felt i could ask help from.  i desperately wanted help but didn't know how to get it.  i was overwhelmed, stressed, at the end of my rope and i think postpartum.  it is hard to even type about it now, it makes me cry. i did a lot of things wrong.  i did a few things right.

i would not trade either one of you for the world. i wish however, that i could have handled it better.  my therapist would say i need to cut myself some slack and say that i did the best i could.  which i guess i did. forgiving oneself is hard, important, necessary, but hard. and while none of it ended up the way i would have chosen, i would not change marrying daddy and everything i "gave up" to become a mommy.  your mommy. the two of you are the biggest blessings of my life.  and yes, i wish too that it would have ended up differently. it makes me sad and angry and helpless, as i'm sure it does the 2 of you.

i think i've really grown into being a single mom of 2 crazy, wild, fun, awesome boys.  god has really given me the strength and grace i need every day to do it.  i've still got a lot to learn, but i'm just so not that person 6 years ago, and for that i am so very thankful.

so it is with bittersweet joy that i wish you a happy birthday this rainy October 15, 2009 my beautiful, beautiful boy.  mamma loves you so much.

long time coming

wow, i can't believe i've gone week without posting something.... let's see what's going on....

i've got a class scheduled for 10/31, if you're local, it's at my house, $15.  I'm going to do a gratitude journal & it will include some stuff i found in my parents' attic as well as some of my own product.  If you want me to send you a kit, drop me an email, $10.

been working on new thanksgiving product, yea!! got tons more in my head if i can just get it out....

listening to my youtube playlist.... forgot it was out there...

had 2 sick kids the past 3 days, that was not fun.... 005 was getting pretty dehydrated, tired of drinking he would say.  he went over 12 hours without urinating.  kept making him drink.  he fell asleep (again!) on the couch.  when he woke up he asked if he could change his clothes because they felt wet.  well, guess that took care of that.  dad brought over his shampooer (yea dad!) today so after i got them in bed i got the couch, the living room carpet, the dining room carpet (oh how i hate having carpet in there but i'm too chicken to rip it up!) and in here.  dirty, dirty filthy people we are!  lol

oh, and he's turning six (so i guess he gets a promotion to 006!) so i baked 4 dozen cookies so each of the kids in his class can have 2. and the teachers too.  they were yummy.  i always make mine without the chips.  i know, i'm weird.  i must say, i did not care for the recipe on the package.  they were too runny and sticky.  kept adding flour, but my scooper wouldn't work right, they wouldn't eject properly....

oh, yesterday, made a triple batch of honey wheat bread.  love it!  froze 4 of them, baked 1 of them and turned 1 of them into pretzels.  so yummy hot from the oven!  oh, i should say each recipe makes 2 loaves.

texted mr. he who shall remain nameless today.  don't know why.  can't leave it alone.  don't want to leave it alone, you pick.  why am i so stupid sometimes.  yea, he responded. not much, just enough.

last friday i went into blooey's, a little local joint here in town that has live music.  the singer was all over me.  flattering.  nice guy.  wrong guy.

saturday i went to the winery with tom, my good friend jill's hubby.  had a good time talking with everyone there and trying one of their new semi-dries.  it was good.  don't remember the catchy name.  then we went to the cove in sweetzer with sherry & bryan.  totally not what i was expecting.  not a dive.  they had a dj, so tom & i had fun dancing.  nice guy.  safe guy.  guy i can trust.  tried to teach him how to text his wifey. 008 learned faster lol!  sorry tommy - still love you!

didn't get the church cleaned this week, but i think it will be ok.  it never really gets that dirty.  probably not going to get over to my mom's either, but that's ok.  since she has no immune system really anymore, i don't have any business being around her until at least next week.

tomorrow celebrating 005's birthday at chuck e. cheese.  bob thought it would be good to do it all together, the 4 of us.  i see his point, but it just makes for weird feelings in me.  that reminds me, gotta make his card & wrap his presents.  ben got him a pokemon game and i got him star wars bedding.  he'll love it!  saturday we'll celebrate it with my mom & dad and i'll make him a wallaluigi cake.  so i guess i'm going to have to do some research so i know what that looks like.

oh, and somehow (i think she put a hex on me! lol) pastor kay talked me into giving the message on 11/15.  huh, what?! not just reading the scripture, but the SERMON!  i'm soooo dumb!  lol  so i've got to start getting ideas now cause i'm freaked out!

anyway, i'm exhausted, think i'm gonna go nighty-nite... oh, the ear is starting to really heal up because it itches like a maddog!

elle

monday...

today was a busy day with posting new product, making cards, getting my crafting table cleaned off, designing some business cards for a friend and returning a couple phone calls.  after the boys came home, we had swimming lessons (do you know how scary it is to watch your 8-year old swim in 12 foot water without a PFD?!?!) and gymnastics.  zack had at the last minute changed his mind to swimming but the poor thing the water is so cold he decided he wanted to switch back to gymnastics.  so we did.  and he loved it.  of course.  they don't call him monkey man for nothing.  then homework & supper & bath.  and my favorite part, reading.  we've been reading harry potter.  i've had them all but was waiting until they were a bit older (005 is not sure he likes them) but 008 got them as a gift from bob's girlfriend, so we've started reading them.  guess i'll give mine to goodwill. we started book #2 last night & read 3 chapters!  we never read that much, but it was still pretty early. 008 loves 'em!  i'm so glad that both of them love to read so much.  also wrote a lot in my journal.  008 was like "wow mom, i didn't know you had a diary".  for some reason that facinated him but tough luck mister, you can't read it - private stay out!  lol

hope you had a wonderful start to your week!
elle

warm summer nights...

...actually, it is a bit chilly here tonight. upper 50s, unusual for indiana in august, but nothing lately has been usual. i just so love sitting out on my front porch, drink a beer and listen to the crickets. tonight, i'll need to wear a sweatshirt though!

i am moved into the house now, and really love it. i was able to make an office to hold my crafting obsession. the boys also have their computer in here, so we are able to spend some time together goofing off. lately they have been loving to play pharoah and i have to admit, i remember how much fun i used to have playing it.

ben started 3rd grade and zack 1st this year. how the heck did that happen? all of zack's 4 front teeth did fall out, in a row, and now he has 1 big person tooth growing in and the side teeth are now loose. they are just amazingly handsome and i am so proud to be their momma.

lately, i've been listening to my ipod a lot, getting re-connected to music - just about anything. but have been on a huge rob thomas/matchbook 20 & 3 doors down kick. still love michael buble and john mayer too. music is an incredible, powerful force in my life and i can't believe i let it go for so long.

life has been topsy-turvey lately, my mom's tumor has progressed, her pituitary gland no longer works thanks to all of the radiation, and she spent 2 weeks in methodist hospital down in indy in a coma becuase of it. mentally, she is not the same woman she even was at the start of the year. it is so sad and it is so hard not to be angry.

the boys & i took a vacation to st. louis in june and had a ton of fun. we rode to the top of the arch although i have to admit i was so chicken we almost didn't make it. wished so bad to have an adult to share all the experiences with.

i broke up with the recruiter i was dating. so many reasons. just not ready. don't know if i ever will be. other things nagging at my heart too, and i need to investigate them, try to understand why i am feeling them. started a really good healing bible study on sunday mornings.

started therapy to help me with the abuse of my childhood. and the frakked up life it led to. and the frakked up relationships that were a result of poor choices based on warped experiences. i refuse to let it run my life any longer. this point & no further.

lost my job in july. ouch. this economy sucks, yet we have no one to blame but ourselves. trying to get back into product design. have been playing alot with pse and loving the results. just so very powerful. you can check out some of my stuff on http://www.shophandmade.com/Store/Benzilla and www.BenzillaScrapping.etsy.com . I've also been trying to get more photos posted here http://www.flickr.com/photos/81154606@N00/ and just spending more time with my camera. It is a whole other relationship and i have such a HUGE backlog of photos waiting to be proofed.

found out i'm a "elegant classic" style on http://www.homegoods.com/ pretty spot on, really. have had a lot of fun trying to decorate the house, at least before the layoff. now just trying to find a good job, or even a bad job.

had started a huge gardening project, so i've been busy trying to get all the mulch down. it is fun, but dirty, but really fun. i love getting dirty. i find it to be such an organic experience, connecting to things that grow and (trying to) make things pretty. right now everything is pretty small and stubby but i'm hoping they'll grow. next year i want to put in a vegetable garden. this year there was just too much going on.

while the boys were gone, got a lot of time in the saddle on my motorcycle. it is so peaceful and uplifting, and well, centering. i really love the feeling, almost as good as flying, which is what i always wanted to do. maybe someday i'll work up the nerve to take it out on a riding vacation just for myself. even changed my oil by myself. dirty, clean fun. we have a wonderful relationship, he and i, but i really need to name him....

my brother gave me his old riding lawnmower, keep running over things i shouldn't and getting stuff tangled around the blade spindles. guess i'm learing how to take care of it, right? but i really like having it, it gives me the ability to take care of my lawn without always having to depend on my dad. he's got enough to take care of right now, however, i understand his need for distraction too. i've always loved mowing and it is a blast to do it and it gives me an excuse to listen to my ipod...

my regular website is down, hoping i can get it back up and going soon. i made a huge boo-boo and don't know how to fix it. but i figure i've got lots of time to try and learn, or at least get someone else to do it for me. i hate the fact that i neglected it for so long.

lately, i've been feeling very lonely and trying to figure out what it's all for, what purpose does this serve, breaking up with someone just to be miserable without someone in your life. i know, i did the right thing, i need to clean up the junk in my closet, but at 2 1/2 months it's getting hard. in the past, i've always jumped back in at 3 months. i've promised pastor kay that i'll go at least until christmas. it is going to be really, really hard as i have such strong needs to be accepted and around people (which now that i don't work i don't get a lot of... the post office gets concerned when you stand there most of the morning just to talk...). they used to call me a social butterfly where i used to work a million years ago and i never got it. but i think i do now.

i was discussing this (the dating rule) with a friend one night on the phone (yes, a guy) and he said, well, what's dating to you? finally decided it was romantic intent. wonder if he was interested, have to admit there's a part of me that would like that, but i don't need the complication right now. but it is so hard not to let the mind wander...

honestly, i would like to date, and have the flirting, maybe even really serious flirting, but not the rest of it. don't know if i'll ever feel differently.

been geting back into journaling, the old fashioned way. get writer's cramp though. trying to work out more and get rid of the 10-15 i've gained over the past year. i hate that. i've never really struggled with weight until i had kids. now it seems that's all i do. i want to be healther and more trim, but it is hard to commit to the work necessary. i want it without all the pain. just like a good relationship.

anyway, sorry for the ramblings, but thanks for listening, it was very stream of conscienseness tonight.