How can you stop the rain from falling down...

 How can you stop the sun from shining? What makes the world go round? How can you mend this broken (wo)man? How can a loser ever win?

Been in a really poor headspace the past few days. It's been hard to stop the negative self-talk, but I'm trying. It started over the weekend at fall education conference. Felt like I was on top of the world, that I was pretty awesome, and maybe, just maybe, I was OK with trying to make a connection to someone. Well, needless to say, I was rightfully knocked back down all the pegs to where I truly belong. And no, no connection. Didn't even notice me. Doesn't even know I exist. They only have eyes for her. And who can blame them? She's young, beautiful, vivacious, outgoing, flirty, and deserves all of the attention. Me, I'll keep hanging out here, over in the corner never figuring out how to join in or fit in. I just wonder if there will ever be a moment in my life where I don't feel awkward and that I don't belong.

Before conference, I was able to go down to Btown to visit 023 for her birthday.  That was completely awesome, and I loved it. My car got towed, that's a whole other story. I love both my kids to death, I miss them so much, and wish they could still live here with me. Somehow, I have to stop depending on them to be my social circle. 023 talks of moving to Cali, and wants me to go with, which is absolutely wonderful, and I so want to do it, but then I get paralyzed that 025 is going to think I'm rejecting her and don't want to be around her.  Which is so not true, I miss her so much; sometimes I just feel this weird wedge between us and I don't know how to remove it.  I know it is my fault and how I've reacted over the years to certain things she tried to trust me with. And I proved to be so untrustworthy. I hate myself for that. I'm supposed to be the mamma bear and protect both of them no matter what, and I have failed both of them so many times. I am so embarrassed and ashamed of that. Like what is wrong with me?!? He obviously wasn't worthy of the love and devotion that I gave him, that I should have been giving to my kiddos. I have no idea how to make it go away, how to grow past it, how to make it up to the two of them. But I will spend the rest of my life trying. There was only one thing I ever wanted in life since I was a kid, and that was to be a mom, to have babies, and I f*cked that up too. Which is what I do to everything.

I yearn for companionship, to have someone to share my life journey with. A best friend who will love me, love my family, support me in my endeavors.  And I have no one. I don't even know how to let anyone in anymore. I have made so many awful decisions when it has come to relationships, and for all the wrong reasons, that I don't trust myself any more, and it just seems easier to not.  But it's not really. I ache to have what Sue and Warren had, Tom and Jill, even my bro and sis in law. What is so wrong with me as a human that I can't/don't get to experience that. I can only believe that this is punishment. 

At conference, my education partner was talking about how his husband had planned this whole toastmaster themed birthday get together for him, and included all of their friends in on it. I was so happy for him, it was just an incredible, loving gesture. I have never had anyone do anything like that for me. Growing up, my mom would make my favorite cake, which was and is lovely, and an amazing memory. But as an adult? Nothing. And I get it, I'm not special, so why should I think I would ever get something like that. Hell, no one came to visit me in the ICU. The world, and all the people in it, could not care less about me.

Kim has been super busy lately helping with her grandson and our friend in Indy. I don't even want to ask her for anything because I know she's stretched to the max. Jodi also is at the end of her rope with her dad, the houses, Tom, and just everything. Kelsey is still dealing with her dad's death, moving back up here, living with stepmom, 2 more stepsons moving in with them, getting everyone in school, etc. Like, it's a lot. For everyone. I don't even have Tom to talk to anymore. He died on Kelli's birthday weekend. The last time I talked to him was some stupid text when I was at conference, and I didn't go see him when I got back because I thought he was coming home. I loved that man so much. He was more than a friend, more than an older brother; I could talk to him about anything and there was never any judgement, and I never felt weird about it. I feel like I'm having to hold everyone else together and be strong for all of them and what they are going through and I don't have anyone to do that for me.

I remember a time when I was a kid and I used to be able to talk to my dad and he would just sit on the edge of my bed and listen and stroke my hair. But I don't feel like I can talk to him anymore either. I feel like he's lost the words to say because I'm pretty sure he stopped living the day my mom died.

I haven't felt this bad in a long time. Thanks for listening to the pity party. I'll buck up now.

Say, do you remember?

 Dancin' in September, never was a cloudy day...

How.Did.It.Get.To.Be.September?!?! The year is almost 3/4 gone! I cannot believe it! I feel like I just got settled into it being 2026, and now I need to order my 2027 book!  YIKES!

So August weather was weird too, with LOTs of rain. In fact, a couple of weeks ago, we got about 12" of rain in 2 days.  No joke.  Flooding was everywhere.

Old Business:

• Started doing Trail Guide again - go me! Hands Heal and P4S still... not.
• Gardening and house maintenance continue to take a front seat to anything else.
• Finished The Testaments.  Interesting convergence of 3 different stories.
• Now reading World Without End by Ken Follett. I know, it's the middle of the series.  It is so good, I will probably end up reading Pillars of the World too.  It is a HUGE book, I've read like 300+ pages and still not halfway done.
• Magazines are still good.
• Mending pile continues to grow.  Waiting for a rainy day when I am actually home! LOL
• Have some memorabilia to put away again, but small pile.  I also need to start next project - homework book for 025.
• PCP visit went well.  She is the daughter-in-law of former neighbors, not sure how I feel about that. But she's put me on midridine and I continue to wear my abdominal compression and it all helps.  Except when I forget!  Knee still in the brace quite a bit.
• Guitar practice getting better again.
• Weeding continues to go well.  My goal is to get all the way to the end of the northwest fence. Last year I was just shy of it by about 10 feet or so.  Stretch goal would be to work on the alley.
• Finally got bush trimming done at work. K and I came in on a Saturday and buzzed through a lot, and even power washed the building.  Which it needed so badly. Also got sick and threw up my breakfast that Baby Bro and I had gotten. Yuck!  Now, it needs weeded again, and we said we'd do the big building this fall.  Whelp, I guess it's fall!
• Remodeling at work is done.  Full sized washer and dryer are now installed.  There were so many problems with the building that had to be fixed first! YIKES!  Now we just need to put the room back together.  We had stuff everywhere, everything is so filthy from drywall dust, etc.
• Colonoscopy was clean this year. A was able to take me now that she is retired.  Such a sweet woman!
• 022 did visit, but we were not able to transplant anything - TOO HOT!  LOL  She's now on a CA road trip (on her way back now), so MAYBE...
• Did not make it to the service project on Tuesday.  Was still pretty hung over from the anesthesia.  
• I ended up being able to go down to B&T's house on the 4th as well, so we had a nice family get together breaking in his new grill and deck.  Again, SO HOT! but we had fun.  Played Acquire again.  We all love it!

New Business:

• AMTA National Conference was in Denver last week.  So much fun!  Got out there a couple of days early and was able to have breakfast with S one day and catch up a bit.  Never enough of that!  A few of us took off for Indian Hot Springs and that was fun. Got a little car sick. Dad and K tag teamed taking care of the kitty. Missed her a lot.
• Closing session speaker challenged us to END something on purpose. Couple of things I want to END - being bad with my start/stop times on sessions, and taking so many late appointments, and taking too many appointments.  Hold me accountable to that!

Sum, sum, summertime...

It's hard to believe that the summer solstice has come and gone!  And here, it was only in the low 70s.  We've had some weird weather.  For the first time that I can remember, most corn will not be knee high by the 4th of July.  Not a good portend.  It has been cooler than normal, and wetter than normal. 

Old Business:

• I don't know why I am struggling so much with Hands Heal, P4S, and Trail Guide.  Maybe it is just being out of the habit.
• Cabinet project is definitely on hold. Have shifted focus to gardening and house maintenance.
• Finished the Handmaid's Tale re-read.  Granted, it has been 30+ years since the last time I read it, but there were definitely parts I had wrong in my head!  LOL
• Am half-way through The Testaments.  I feel like I'm starting to get my reading jam back!
• Magazines are doing well.
• Mending pile still there, have added a couple of things.
• Garven is still really amazing.  I have learned you cannot go through the carwash with the sunroof popped up. OOOOOOPPPPPSIE!!!!
• Memorabilia still staying under control, and have finished 1 layout.  Need to get cranking on the next.
• PCP visit is finally set up, with yet another replacement.  Sigh.  Colonoscopy is Monday.  Knee ended up having a patellar hematoma and bursitis.  Still wearing a compression brace, but it is back to a more normal appearance.
• Sticks continue to be a problem as we have had a lot of storms and wind.  Wabash got hit with another tornado.
• Lawnmower ended up having a loose (and eventually thrown) pully.  That took a month to get the parts in, and then the ones that I actually used I probably could have gotten at the local hardware store - kinda grumpy about that.  And had to spend $13 to ship the unused parts back.
• Guitar practice has gotten shaky here lately.  Not sure why.  Sometimes mentally I just don't have the energy for it.
• Have been really good on weeding.  I am able each time to go over what has already been done and that goes pretty quickly and it now takes a large part of the gardens to fill up the (five gallon) bucket, when it used to happen multiple times each session. And each time I have been able to extend the already done part further. So that feels good.
• Have done some repairs on garden art, which feels good, and of course more to do. I guess most of life is just baby stepps. 022 was supposed to be able to come up last week and help me with getting some bigger things transplanted and done, but it ended up not working out.  I kept the week off, and was able to finally (after 9 years!) get the front door frame painted. Also picked up a low top dresser for work, had my follow-up with the cardiologist. Nothing wrong with my heart, so it is out of his wheelhouse why I'm having symptoms.  Back to the drawing board.  I have found that wearing abdominal compression has really reduced the symptoms, which he found curious too.  It makes me SO HOT though when I am working!
• Have weeded twice at work now. About 3 buckets worth over the two times.  I need to do some bush trimming still - I had tried the last time, and my battery died halfway into the first bush! Was able to get some very pretty canna and dahlias for my containers.

New Business:

• Oh my goodness, everything is different at work!!  J came over and is renting my old green room, K came back, so she's in the red room again, so I moved to the blue room!  Holy cow!  It feels so incredibly good.  I am just absolutely amazed how much it has improved my mood and attitude! So, we have a contractor coming in to widen a doorway to the break room, and then get water and drainage over there, so that we can get a full-sized washer and dryer there!  So excited!  Our little midget set has been such a trooper, and I will be forever grateful to it, but it is unrealistic to expect it to keep up with 3 full-time therapists.  Not to mention you have to go through my blue room to get to it.  So, that will eventually turn into a working space for me, with a small desk.  With others there now, I don't feel right in leaving my stuff laying around everywhere when I am building packets and whatnot. So excited!!!
• Colonoscopy Monday, so that will be fun!
• 022 comes to visit (for sure this time) most of that week, so we'll get some things transplanted.
• AC for church is next week, not sure if I'll be able to go to opening worship on Sunday evening or not, with doing the prep.  Tuesday I'll go to FTW to do the service project in the morning.  If 022 is here, she'll go with me.
• I think my PCP visit is that week, and I have a massage too!  And I'll still work at the church on Friday.  I think 022 is going down to visit her dad, and her sister will be there too.  I'm excited they'll have a chance to see each other.  I also took Monday off for the holiday.

April Showers...

 We just got done celebrating Easter as well as my 057! Yikes.  Like when did that exactly happen? Starting to feel way less good about birthdays. Now it is just starting to feel like a countdown :(

State Massage Champ weekend didn't quite go the way I had hoped.  CEs were on Friday and the competition on Saturday, so we missed it.  Which probably ended up being better anyway, as I decided to make empanadas for 025.  Had no idea how time intensive they are, and we lost power on Friday to boot, so Baby Bro and I spent most of Friday cooking.  He got to wash 4 loads of dishes, so he was super excited at least. :)

Easter was fun, went down to Big Bro and SIL house. BB also got to go, and late Friday after picking him up we made mac and cheese for 022, since she is vegetarian and the main course was ham.  She never gets grumpy about it, and like me, she sometimes cheats. Dad, my nephew, and one of my aunts and uncles also got to come, and it was so good to see them!

Easter Sunday we got up bright and early for breakfast at Nettle Creek, where my Big Bro was giving the sermon.  Always good to hear him speak, and learn. Breakfast was delish and SIL made a vegetarian breakfast casserole for 022. <3

I took the day "off" today so that I could use it as a catchup day from being gone all weekend.  I'm starting to do that more and more as I realize the importance of it on my mental health.

Old Business:

• You guessed it, still struggling on all the business books: Hands Heal, P4S, and Trail Guide.
• Cabinet project still in the works, had to pause for last weekend going down to Big Bro house to change fluids in Garven, and this weekend due to Easter.  Perhaps next weekend.
• FINISHED Perfect Union!  Go me!  Started a re-read of the Handmaid's Tale.
• I PASSED the NCBTMB exam!!!! Go me!
• Magazines are doing pretty good.
• Mending pile still sleep pants, a pair of socks, and re-patching the work pants.  Part of it started coming off.  I may use glue.
• Still loving Garven. Especially his extra cargo room.  And the sunroof. We were able to do the oil changed, but not the tranny or differentials. Fill plugs too rusted in place.  Will probably have to have Snyder's do when I can afford.
• Staying on top of memorabilia, and even started the process of scrapping again. Have picked the pictures and the sketch.
• Need to call the PCP about next steps, and now for my knee.  It started swelling a couple of weeks ago.  I'm sure related to the fall.
• Sticks are picked up.
• Lawnmower started and oil changed.  Should do plug and fuel filter soon as well.  Also power washed it.  Boy did it need that, and needs it again!
• Job postings done.
• Decided not to run for president.
• Have been very consistent with guitar practice.  I now have 117 weeks under my belt.

New Business:

• Start/continue weeding!  I did do some on the weekend I picked up sticks. I got pretty tired and winded by the end.  It was over 3 hours.  I am pleased though, that there seems to be less coming up in the areas that have the woodchips down. So I need to finish the small section on the northwest backyard, and then it it out to the alley. I have one load left, from ChipDrop, and have signed up for another.  Plus I have so much of my own that need to be ground up.  I would really like to get alley done, and start the walkway project and the round patio project.  I also have several garden art pieces that need attention.
• I need to do some transplanting, and take some to work.
• Speaking of work, need to do some weeding there too, and would love to get another drop off of mulch there.

Party like it's 1999...

 Baby Bro's birthday is Thursday, so I'll be picking him up to spend the weekend. Friday, I am hoping we can attend the Indiana State Massage Championships that are being held right here in little ole Wabash!  Totally stoked by that.  I've never been, so I'm really looking forward to the experience.  Afterwards, we can come home and make his birthday cake.  Saturday is when the fam will be getting together.  024/025(almost!) is going to share birthday parties with BB, so I will need to find something non-cheese based due to milk allergies.  Pizza is kinda the go-to.

Old Business:

• Not sure why I'm struggling to get back to reading Hands Heal, P4S, and Trail Guide.
• Have been able to be out in the garage a couple of weekends now, and have started the Hoosier cabinet project I concocted for myself.  That has been fun!
• I am almost done with Perfect Union.  I joined Goodreads for 024 and Storybook for 022, and so it has been fun to update progress.
• I take the NCB test next Monday, YIKES!  I have not been studying at all.  We'll see..
• Magazines are still at a good pace too.
• Mending pile - still 1 pair of sleep pants, and also I now have a pair of pants that need a patch in the knee thanks to a tumble I took in downtown Indy.  That was embarrassing!
• Still loving and enjoying Garven.  Had the sunroof open yesterday, OMG!! At the end of the month I go down to Big Bro and Sis house to change oil and do some other maintenance on him.
• Memorabilia has all been put away, and have stayed pretty up on just doing it when it is in my hand.
• Slowing down at work is in process. I have mixed feelings about it.  I really need to find 2-3 new therapists to help out. Have done some cleaning, then hit a couple of bad weeks, but hoping to get back on track today. Wrists are doing better, but I still brace them for each session. Fingers are starting to heal finally.
• I did reach back out to the candidate, and she never called/texted back, so I guess that is a no-go.
• Cardiologist - wore a Holter for 7 days, did not show anything conclusive.  Did a Tilt Table Test, and again, nothing conclusive.  So it's probably back to the drawing board.  I need to call the nurse today and find out.
• Have set some scrapping goals - 2 pages a month. Didn't do so hot in February. However, I have picked out pictures, and now I need to do sketch and papers.

New Business:

• Continue scrapping
• Continue working on hutch
• Pick up sticks in the yard (and by sticks, I mean branches and limbs that fell down in all the wind this winter!)
• Post therapist jobs on FB and at IWC job board.
• Fill out application to run for AMTA chapter president (I can't believe I just wrote that, but, what the heck! LOL) 

Six more weeks...

 ... that darned groundhog!  LOL or, maybe just science. We had a good snowstorm a couple weekends ago. The state was actually put into a state of emergency to keep people off the roads. Why does it take that? Why are we (humans/americans?) so stupid/stubborn/?? about bad weather? Is there really anything that is worth risking  your life (or someone else's) over? I mean, yes, I get first responders and snow plow drivers needing to be out, and they have the equipment and gear to keep them safe(ish). But if you are just trying to get to the office, grocery store, etc. it can probably wait until the roads are better.  And for most places, that is a day or two.  I will go back to my previous comment, why can't we just be like bears and hang out in our dens? Study after study have shown that more work hours DO NOT equate to better productivity, and in fact, yields the opposite - worse productivity and more errors. But hey, I forgot, we don't believe scientists anymore. Sigh.

Old Business:

• Not even sure Hands Heal is on life support anymore.  However, it does give me the side-eye from the breakfast bar every day.
• Still way too cold to be out in the garage.  Rethinking the thought of January being a good time to do construction projects
• Reading Perfect Union has become more regular
• NCBTMB - I filled out the application and paid the fee yesterday!  Whoop!
• P4S also probably has had the plug pulled.  It's buried so far down a stack it can't even give me the side eye anymore.
• Trail Guide - ditto
• Magazines, good
• Mending pile - 1 pair of sleep pants need elastic ankles for baby bro
• Guitar - good, song is getting better
• Still loving the car, although the touch screen/controls seem to go a little loopy in the very cold - ie it starts doing things on it's own (stopping whatever is playing, changing screens, etc.)
• Still need to put the memorabilia away
• Slowing down work schedule has been a process.  Starting to get where it has become reality. And have been trying to use the extra time to get back to regular cleaning at the office, and getting paperwork done in a more timely fashion Wrists still are sore.  Fingers have splits all over them

New Business:

• Reach back out to therapist.  For some reason, we didn't make connection when we were supposed to
• Cardiologist is set for 2/18.  I'm a little nervous about that
• Liking my new planner and the start of month/end of month activities. Am starting to see how I need to change the layout for 2027
• Schedule Baby Bro's birthday celebration

Old man winter...

 Not sure why the harsh, cold winter is an old man, however, it is definitely harsh today. Wind chills in the negative, 20 mile sustained winds, with gusts over 40.  This is typical weather for here.  Don't like it. Except it does "prune" out my trees for me. So many branches and sticks already to pick up. But, that will be for another day.  It was near 70 on Christmas. Crazy weather! It does make me wish more than ever that we could be like bears and just hang out in our dens all winter until the weather is a bit more civil. A nice fire, a cup of cocoa, and a good book. Or painting. Just nurturing ourselves. But alas, capitalism doesn't allow for that.

Old Business:

• Bad at Hands Heal
• Has not been warm enough (when I've had the time) to work in the garage
• Good work being done on Perfect Union
• NCBTMB - exam will be scheduled in February
• P4S - Still bad
• Magazines - good
• Have a small mending pile again
• Guitar is good, stuck on one song though
• Christmas was great!
• Did not get as much decluttering done as I had hoped. Over my break I had to replace Tupac, as he was starting to have way too many mechanical/electrical/structural issues to keep up with.  His Blue Book was only $600 at best anyway. So.... now I have a "new" 2016 Outback. Love it! Hate the car payment.  I've not had one of those for over 10 years. Sigh
• Baby bro got to help me with the bank and pickup part, my older bro helped me with the selection and test drive.
• Have outlined some Yearly goals, and translated that into some monthly steps
• Studio is much better, crafting table cleaned off, have a small amount of memorabilia that needs filed.
• Door project was scheduled for this month, but it has been too cold to work in the garage
• Same for desk project and hutch project
• Work carpets cleaned.  That was gross!

New Business:

• Due to injuries and health, I'm cutting back again on my number of appointments each day. I will have to figure out the financial part
• Have a second interview with a potential therapist tomorrow.  We've talked already on the phone.  Keep your fingers crossed for me.
• If I can hold to #1, then cleaning schedule, and mounting paperwork issues should get better

2026 already?!?!

 Happy New Year!  I can't believe it's happened already.  I did kinda stay up last night, falling asleep in my chair and wandered back to bed at almost 2. The cat was trying to figure out what took me so long.  We had a good morning of snuggles today.  It was a good day at church yesterday, I got several old things done and organized, and started a big project that I should be able to finish tomorrow.  Pastor didn't come in yesterday, so I'll have to go in at least to do the bulletin.  I should still be able to have a fairly lazy day.

Old Business:

• I think Hands Heal is frozen LOL
• Still been too cold to work out in the garage.  Except when we were having our family Christmas.  It was so good!
• Perfect Union - plugging along. 022 & 024 got me started on GoodReads so maybe that will help.
• NCBTMB - It is put on my February goals page
• P4S, also frozen
• Garage is kinda bad again since it got cold.  I did an onsite day for work, so I still need to put the table back away.  And I got a new car, so I still need to get everything moved over to the new one.
• Magazines - really good!  Even gave a few old ones to the SIL over Christmas!
• Mending pile has 1 more pair of 051's sleep pants to put elastic around the ankles. Nothing stays up and then he trips over them.
• Guitar is still consistent, need to do that today.
• Got another bag going for Goodwill, 022 went through some of their things in the closet and either took home with her, or added to the donate bag.
• AMTA and VA stuff still way too much - GR budget,notes, and VA renewals are the big ones
• Did not get laundry room decluttered. Last week ended up being more about getting the new car and trying to rest a little bit.  Have been having quite a bit of symptoms/flareups lately.
• Studio got cleaned up, but does need decluttered a bit
• Have started 2026 goals - have January and most of Q1 done - this includes the cleaning schedule, and I need to block out times to do it.
• Still setting up 2026 book
• Work carpet still needs cleaned.
• Still need to build that desk.

New Business:

• Finish up some of the old business!

Snow Days

 It is definitely winter here.  We've had 2 really good snows and I did have to close the office one day.  I'm just not a big fan of my 80 year olds shoveling driveways and then driving on horrible roads.  While I do appreciate the snow plow drivers, it just does not seem like there are enough of them.  The city roads hardly ever see one, and the county roads drift back closed so quickly.

Old Business:

• Still no progress on Hands Heal
• Outside chores are on hold until spring. Although, I am hoping there will be some days warm enough to work out in the garage, and maybe get going on the door project again.
• Perfect Union - half-way through!
• NCBTMB - I need to get it scheduled
• P4S - Still bad
• Garage is pretty decent except for all the half-done projects I need to finish up
• Magazines - good!
• Shades - done!  As is mending pile!
• Guitar is still consistent
• Chairs and carpet cleaned
• Tgiving was a blast!  We had about 13 people.
• Decluttering went pretty well, have more to do for christmas.  But I did take 2 bags to goodwill, and 2 to growing grounds.
• Baby Bro and I had a ton of fun!  All his people were there, well almost, and he got lots of dog shows, popcorn, and movies.
• AMTA stuff is piling up, as is VA stuff

New Business:

• Taking the week of Christmas off to gear up for that on Saturday. Need to declutter laundry room
• Need to still get studio cleaned up from TGiving.  It is where 022 sleeps.
• Get back on door projects
• Start outlining goals for 2026
• Get book set up for 2026 with days off, holidays, and afternoons when I have to stop early.
• Get work onto a better cleaning schedule - YIKES!
• Clean the carpets at work
• Build a new desk/crafting area for the studio.  So tired of jamming my knees on this thing!

That is probably way bigger than what I can do!  LOL

Attitude of Gratitude

 Yup, hard to believe next week is Thanksgiving!  We'll have ours on Saturday, and there will be about 14 people, really looking forward to it.  I have all this next week off (except for an appointment here and there...) and will be busy getting the house in order.

Old Business:

• Have Hands Heal back, but haven't started reading it again
• Outside chores are mostly done, I did manage to get further around with weeding and mulching than last year thanks to a big push in October.  I'm really hoping it pays off next year!  
• Perfect Union - have been better at it.  Need to just stick with it as I do enjoy it once I start.
• NCBTMB Exam - still need to do it.
• P4S - BAD
• Garage - have managed to clean most of the utility area and flowers now have a good spot.  Also have cleaned my car bay and that looks really good.  Workbench is cleared off and that is exciting.  Just need to keep on.
• Magazines, pretty good too.
• Shades - gonna finish that this week.
• State Conference was a blast!
• Career fair went well, but no one in the area.
• Took a break from leash training but will start back up.
• Have been consistent with at least 1x a week with the guitar.

New Business:

• Clean chairs and carpet for Tgiving.
• Cook for Tgiving, including a pie.
• Declutter for Tgiving.
• Get Baby Bro and have fun!
• Lots of AMTA stuff to do.
• Need to figure out how to be less chatty working at church.

The monster mash...

 One of my favorite songs when I was kid!  It is definitely more fall, we had some super warm weather again for a couple of weeks, but the cold is coming. Possible frost warning tonight.

Old Business:

• Client forgot to bring in Hands Heal
• Outside chores - mainly still just weeding and mulching
• Perfect Union - eh, have dropped back off again.
• NCBTMB - Still needs scheduled
• P4S - Still bad
• Garage - Still bad, and now I have to bring in the flower pots! :|
• Magazines, pretty good!
• Still 1 shade, but hoping this winter to do.
• Weeding, I got even more done last weekend, which was totally cool!
• State Conference is this weekend!  Gonna be fun!
• Block party went really well, everyone had a lot of fun, and there were kids there!

New Business:

• Have a career fair in a couple of weeks, I'm really excited about that! Hoping we will find someone soon!
• Working on leash training the cat. So far, she's goofy.  As soon as I put the harness on, she falls over like she's dead.

Where have all the flowers gone?

 Well, technically, they are not gone yet, but soon will be.  I can't believe it is the end of September already.  The fig tree has fruit on it, it looks like it is going to be a good harvest.  There might even be one or two ready.

Temperatures are on the downward trend, we did have 90s the first week or so, then 80s.  This week will probably be 70s.  Always such a change, and it's hard on me, I know what is coming, and I don't like it.  So now we've got to squeeze as much out of it as what we can.

Old Business:

• Hands Heal - my client still has it.
• Outside chores - Back stairs are stained, but then it kinda dropped off.  
• Inside chores - doing better, I'm getting 1-2 done per week in addition to the stuff that has to be done every day.
• Perfect Union - still reading.  Have had a couple of nights with good bursts.
• NCBTMB - Yup, still need to schedule
• P4S - BAD
• Garage, still bad
• Magazines - doing OK.
• Still 1 shade to go in the dining room - need a rainy day that I don't take a nap with my cat!
• No more issues with getting the service to go Live on YouTube!  Yea!!!
• Mowing has really slowed down. Last Saturday we got some good rain (13th) and then today so that should help.  We have been really dry.
• Weeding - I am now officially further along with cleaning out than what I was last year. That feels amazing, especially since I still have a few more weekends yet before it gets really cold outside.
• Cherry tree is planted and doing well.  I put it on the west side, by the fence and woodpile.
• National Conference in Dallas was really great!  Went down a bit early to do some sightseeing, and just really enjoyed the conference too.
• Getting better at planning on what to do each day, and I've divided my list that I keep in my planner to: Personal, Work, and AMTA.  That has been very helpful and lets me see just that area's items to pick what is priority.
• Staycation did not work out the way I wanted it to, but it was still good.
• My visit with 021 was amazing!  Got to spend the night and meet her roommates.
• I did get down to see D&K in August and we had a great time.  I got to see the remodeling of the kitchen, and it is so amazing!
• I took today off today, I spent Saturday and Sunday with 024 and that was amazing!  Always so good to see the two of them. They took me to a couple of great eateries, and the bookshop.  Love that, I get to learn a little bit more of what my kiddo likes.  We watched some funny YouTube videos, read together, and just talked.

New Business:

• Looking forward to State Conference in October.
• We are having a block party at church this weekend, it should be so much fun!  I'll also have baby bro that weekend, so I'll take him back home before.
• Attended his ISP/BSP last week, and it was great to ge an "extra" visit with him.
• Need to find another therapist.  Unfortunately KL had to leave due to some personal issues. Will go to the next career fair.
• Can't believe it will be November and Thanksgiving soon!

The heat is on...

 It has been very unseasonably hot the past 2-3 weeks. First, the heat dome that just decided to hang out for awhile, and now, just regular hot. And the humidity.  IT's been sticky.  But, then the other morning, it was like 59 when I woke up, and that felt cold, and good.  Speaking of cold, I typically take cold showers in the summer, and that helps.

Old Business:

• Hands Heal - actually loaned this to a client who's going to help me start doing better information gathering before/after each session.
• Chores - Ooo boy, that's been a tough one. Up, down, and all over the place. But, I have gotten both the shed ramp and the deck stained, so that is good.  Inside, it's a struggle, but Little Bro came home for a visit this weekend, and he helped me go through my files and pull out the shredding.  He ran the shredder for me.
• Perfect Union - still hard to read
• Advocacy day was fun! We had a good group down at the State House, and we did manage to meet a few good, key contacts
• NCBTMB - I just need to do it!!!  LOL
• P4S - BAD!
• Trail Guide - BAD!
• Garage, always bad!  LOL
• Magazines - good
• 1 shade left to go - waiting on a rainy day
• YouTube is being a lot better. I upgraded the church wireless to a Netgear Orbi mesh system with 2 satellites, 1 in the sanctuary, and 1 in the fellowship hall downstairs.  That has also helped with our Zoom capabilities for HAWC and board.
• Winter projects? Well, you can guess...
• Lawnmower struggled a bit at first, but I ended up bringing the battery in to charge overnight and that was the trick.
• Weeding is in full force!  So far, the sections that I went over last year, and got chips down on have done well, and I've been able to quickly go through those and top dress them. With it being so hot, it has been a challenge, I've mainly just been trying to work where there is shade, so it is sorta hodge-podge, but hey, better than nothing! I've also resigned myself that along the alley, and a few other places, I just needed to take it all down with the weedwacker and the mower.  Not the flowers, but going around them.  It has helped. I also decided to just one Saturday cut out all of the junk trees, and that also made a big difference. So, maybe it will get easier... And trying to snap off the dandelion heads before they turn to fluff...
• So much has bloomed, and it just looks beautiful!
• Still need to figure out where to put the cherry tree!  LOL
• AMTA conference/board meeting went well.

New Business:

• Figure out how to be more intentional - like working on the business, making time for the fun things I like to do, and not just weeding.  Like am I really living a life?
• Going on vacation next week!  It will be just a staycation - but maybe just spending some lazy time here at home will help.
• We meet with one of the Reps we met at Advocacy Day next week too. That will be informative and interesting!
• Looking forward to AMTA National in Dallas.  Going a couple days early, to just be, and maybe have fun!  LOL
• Going down at the end of the month to visit 021, and help her move.  That also will be fun
• Need to plan a trip up to 024 now that she's moved into her new place
• Next Sunday is a joint worship with Eel River at Camp Mack
• Also need to schedule a visit down to D&K's

Not blown away...

 ... we had our first round of really strong spring storms yesterday. The kitty was uncertain about it all, but did OK. It made the house creak and the chimney howl.

Old Business:

• Hands Heal continues to be informative, and makes me think about how I do my charting and intake and how I could improve
• Chores were OK last week. I had Monday off, so did some housework, as well as a lot of paperwork for work
• Still having hard time with Perfect Union
• Advocacy Day is planned for Apr 8 - it's going to be fun!
• Need to schedule NCBTMB
• 2024 recap done, but have not started back up with P4S
• Garage gets little bites done, maybe I just need to resign myself to it always being messy
• Magazines going well
• I have another shade done for the dining room, so one left
• Still need to get pulmonologist appointment and tests done
• YouTube at church is still being a pain, but I think I have some answers
• E's party went great!  Everybody had a good time
• Three Dog Night concert went well too, 023 watched Uncle E for me and did a GREAT job.  They both like to dote on him, it's sweet!
• Newest hire is doing great, she is so wonderful!

New Business

• Trying to finish up some winter projects now that spring is arriving
• Need to get lawnmower started and make sure it is ready to go
• Gonna have to start getting back to weeding.  We are starting to get a few popping up here and there.  Mostly dandelions and creeping charlie - hoping with all that I did in the fall, and all of the wood chips it doesn't get as bad in the sections I have done, like that I can maintain them, and get more of the bad ones done
• Lenten Roses are blooming!  They are so beautiful!
• Cherry tree that I bought in the fall and over wintered in the garage has leaves popping out! Now I just gotta figure out where to plant it!
• Looking forward to state AMTA conference and board meeting

Inconceivable

 It is absolutely mind-blowing the amount of illegal and unethical behaviour that has taken place in this country by our highest leaders.  Most, if not all, of which cause me to be very embarrassed as an American.

Old Business:

• Hands Heal is still a daily read
• Was not super good on chores last week, or over the weekend, but not gonna walk away from the wagon
• A More Perfect Union is starting to become an easier read as I get more intrigued by his commentary
• Think we've got advocacy day planned for the State House this year.  Hoping to make this a regular event again. New team member is great!
• NCBTMB, I really need to get off my butt and just schedule it.  I'm afraid of failing and "wasting the money"
• 2024 recap is going OK, hoping it will lead me back to P4S
• Magazines, good
• Garage, I've done a small amount of cleaning and/or watering the plants that are over-wintering. Just this AM I cleaned up a patch, and wheeled the saw outside to cut a new shelf for the closet where I store the magazines.  No, I don't want to talk about it... LOL It is installed and everything shuffled around
• Decided not to switch BOP and WC, it was more expensive, finally got the refund back from the other company
• I have one of the new shades made and hung up.  Need to get some straps so I can raise/lower it, but it is there and looks good.  Two more to go...
• Still need to do pulmonologist

New Business:

• Need to figure out our YouTube Live issues at church
• E's 51st birthday party is this Saturday.  Need to do some cleaning and baking
• Also supposed to go to 3 Dog Night concert with Kim on Saturday. Hoping the kids will watch Uncle E for me

Resistance is NOT futile....

 ... I will not go quietly into this goodnight... I will remain defiant, I will remain subversive, I will not bow. They can try all they want to try and suck out all of the good and decent parts of this country, but they are going to have to fight to do it.

Old Business:

• Still chugging through Hands Heal
• This past week was bad for chores, too many later afternoon appointments at work
• Finished Kings of the Wyld, and decided to pick up A More Perfect Union by Adam Russell Taylor.  I picked it up this year at the Brethrenpress.com booth at Annual Conference, as I like to support them.  It's been in my wishlist on bookshop.org for a while now.  Slow going, as it is definitely meat and potatoes reading.
• Enjoying having another team member.  Apparently, the governor is going to give us lots to work on as he's asking the state to audit all licensed professions to make sure they truly warrant licensure
• NCBTMB, I say I want to do it, so why don't I?
• P4S, yup, you guessed it, but I'm doing a 2024 recap, and that has been good
• Magazines, very good
• Garage - too cold, but in the next couple of weeks, it will get warmer
• Got my house/auto switched over.  Small savings on house, BIG savings on auto.  Very excited about that! Working on getting business and workman's comp switched too
• Still need to do that other scrapbook page
• All the drapes have been taken apart, and last week, E helped me get the panels cut out for the shades.  I still have lots left over.  Wonder what I'll be able to do with it!
• Human trafficking webinars were cancelled after you know who took office
• The new therapist agreed, she's also a K haha.  She will be working Saturdays only which should help compensate for me not being there on Fridays.  K1 went to another career fair, and got many resumes, so there might be a #3 in the future.
• Ended up being a cold. So I had E here last week, and he got to go to church and he was SOOOOOO excited!
• Still need to schedule the pulmonologist tests
• Spreadsheet is reworked, but I don't know if it is better
• We have another weather advisory this weekend, so we've been busy trying to figure out how to keep everyone warm.

New Business:

• Need to type up HAWC notes
• Need to get some SM posts out for GR regarding what we are doing for the EO
• Get to be worship leader again tomorrow!

Whelp...

 ... that just happened. I can't believe this is where we are as a country, but I'm not going to let it stop me.  Time to roll up the sleeves and get to work...

Old Business:

• Still chugging through Hands Heal
• Still doing well on chores at 2-3 per week
• Kings of the Wyld, almost done!  Big question now is do I read Bloody Rose next, the sequel, or one of the books that has been on my pile for longer???
• GR, doing better, and have 1 more team member!
• NCBTMB, my subscription to the test prep ran out, so do I just go take it and see how I do???
• P4S not so good, but I have been doing a 2024 recap/2025 goal journal, so maybe that will help
• Magazines, very good
• Garage is not bad, got the light hung up in the sanding booth, and for the most part it has stayed tidy.  Have a couple of garden projects on the work bench, but it's so cold I had to stop the repairs
• Have made contact with potential new insurance
• Still really like my 2025 book
• Have not done that second scrapbook page, but maybe this weekend...
• Have one panel left of the drapes to take apart for my dining room shades
• Adjusting to new schedule routine with being church admin. So far, so good
• AMTA budget meeting is done, and we've got some great ideas in the works!
• Have the second webinar on human trafficking today

New Business:

• Have an offer letter out to another therapist - nervous!
• Hoping to have baby brother here for the weekend, although I woke up with a sore throat today and hoping its just from it being so cold and dry, not actually being sick
• Need to schedule my tests for the pulmonologist
• Need to make my chiro appointments
• Need to rework my spreadsheet for GR so it's more manageable
• With it being so cold, Growing Grounds and the church have been close to overwhelmed with the calls for help getting off the street.  As have several other organizations

2025

 Is in like a lion!  Another round of arctic air on board. Christmas visit with the kiddos and family was wonderful!  Didn't really go as planned, but we all still had a good time.

Old Business:

• Still reading Hands Heal, I'm about halfway through
• Chores are staying pretty consistent.  
• Kings of the Wyld is good, and for Christmas 025 got me the second book! <3
• GR work took a slide over the holidays, but I'm hopeful.  Also looking for more team members!
• NCBTMB really took a hit with holidays and sermons.  But need to catch up to the wagon again
• Same for P4S
• Magazines, doing great
• Garage - did another fix on the sanding booth, have a couple more ideas I'd like to try. Got the wheelstand done for the cross-cut saw and that really helps!
• Still need to switch insurance
• Trading has been thrown a life jacket, so I am hopeful!  I desperately need it
• Really liking the 2025 book so far.  Has enough space in it for a to-do list, a tracking section, a section to list your wins, and a notes section!  It's going to save my from my ADHD LOL
• I scrapped!!!  I had Wed/Thurs off this week, and I did a layout and I have another one planned
• We're going to have a GG call later today, so I'm going to start ripping out the seams of the curtains I bought to make the shades for the dining room!

New Business:

• Started back at the church as the Admin on Friday, definitely a change in the routine/schedule, but I'm hoping it will work out well.
• Getting ready for AMTA board in January.  It's budget meeting time
• Have played guitar now for 65 weeks in a row!!
• Starting a human trafficking webinar next Thursday.

Beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

 .... not really, no snow, and it was 60 yesterday, 40 today. Because of new kitty, probably won't have a tree.  But will get a visit from all the kiddos!!!

Old Business:

• Still plugging away at my Hands Heal book
• Chores are getting pretty consistent.  That's all I'm looking for...
• Kings of the Wyld is still a good read!
• Got my message done at Eel River.  Was so much fun, they are a great group of people
• Again, starting to get consistent with work/GR
• Need to get back on the NCBTMB bandwagon
• P4S, oof
• Magazines, again, pretty consistent
• Garage, always needs attention
• Still need to switch insurance
• Trading is still barely afloat
• 2025 book is getting fleshed out
• Still no scrapping or painting, just don't seem to have enough energy any more
• Finished 3 lanterns!
• Thanksgiving was a blast!
• Possible new therapist is looking like a good potential.  Keep praying!

New Business

• Christmas meal on 12/24
• Mending pile
• Figure out ingredients for lasagna so I can go shopping!

Giving Thanks...

 Most of us really do have a lot to be thankful/grateful for. We woke up, we have people we care about, animals we care about, food to eat, shelter, water to drink, and clothes to protect our bodies.  It's easy to forget that you only need to make $30K to be considered in the 1%.

Old Business:

• Still plugging away...
• Chores, doing pretty good, getting at least 2-3 done a week (outside of like laundry, cooking, cleaning kitchen)
• Got back into Kings of the Wyld
• Have 1 more message this year to give, on the 15th
• Working towards consistency of scheduling work and GR duties
• NCBTMB took a dive with message preparation
• P4S is dead lol
• Magazines, doing pretty good again
• Garage, have done another minor cleanup, and that feels good
• Still need to do website - actually wondering if I still need it, or if MassageBook would be enough
• Still need to get insurance switched
• Dinner was good, but not sure that I really felt any connection
• Trading schedule took a dive again!  LOL
• Working on getting 2025 book squared away for Q1 and scheduling Fridays for Church Admin.  Hoping to get there at 8 (last time I was lucky to be there by 9, so pray for me!)
• Career Panel went really well, and met a gal who might be interested.  We talk on 12/7
• Pie was delicious!
• Still need to work on scrapping and painting
• Did start the next lantern project, so might have 2 ready soon

New Business:

• Family get-together for Thanksgiving tomorrow (Saturday). Baby brother already here
• Have a mending pile
• Need to make soup and pies for tomorrow