Annual Conference theme was on extending Jesus’ table, and in typical fashion, Pastor Kay has hit a home run on how to bring that back to the local congregation. It was held in Grand Rapids, MI the first week of July. What she has brought to us is a way to share how we as individuals have already carried out this theme in our lives. Each week she has asked someone to share their story. This week, Sharon Larrowe, formerly of Shalom Place, and a woman I grew up respecting, spoke of her adoption of 4 wayward children & the impact that had on her life. Pam Elzroth also spoke of how she & Amy have taken guardianship of many children over the years and how they are a family. And she asked my dad to share his experience of taking in Eric. My dad is not a public speaker (odd for someone who used to be on the radio!) so I was his voice. These are his words:
I first met Eric when he was at Vernon Manor in Wabash. My wife, Terry, had taken a part time aid’s position there one summer in the 70s. He was restrained to a hand-rail in the hallway, and what we learned later, was that it was for extended periods of time. The first time I walked by him, he reached out to me, but I did not respond. However, on a future visit, he reached out again to me as I walked by. I am unsure as to why I did, other than it pained me to see him in this condition, but this time I picked him up & held him close to me. He clung to me ferociously and did not want to let go. That small gesture of attention I would later realize created a life-long relationship.
We started taking him home over the weekends, to see how he would integrate into the family, and to see if this was truly the direction we wanted to go. We really did not realize the ramification s of what it would truly mean for the family to bring him into the fold. We discussed it with the kids, Dennis, Dan & Michelle to find out how they would feel about having another person living in the house. It was met somewhat coolly, but no one objected.
We started the process of becoming foster parents, which involves a lot of paperwork & home inspections. We were successful and now we had this child to care for without really knowing what all care he would need.
Somehow, though I knew he was a very special person that needed help and love from someone. I guess that somehow he was sent to us as a family to take care of. And it was not easy. We learned later, as we didn’t know when we first started this journey, that Eric is a micro encephalic, which means that his skull didn’t have the soft spots necessary for growth when he was younger, which caused his head to be too small and not grow properly. He was also diagnosed with CP, cerebral palsy.
In and of itself, either of those two ailments would have been enough, but because he was restrained on a daily basis and did not move around much, this affected his legs’ development as well and he could not walk properly and had to wear leg braces to help encourage those muscles into a more natural position. He ended up having 2 different surgeries over the course of 2 summers to help repair the damage.
At times, the toll was high as time had to be spent away from work & family to be at doctors’ offices for diagnosis and determining courses of actions, in the hospital for surgeries. Sometimes family outings had to be reworked so that he could participate. He was a member of the family and never once did we consider leaving him behind.
The reward came in seeing him take his first steps and learning to ride his bike, all activities we were told he would never be able to do. And intellectually he made great strides as well, completing high school and continuing on to a work program for special needs adults. Knowing that he was given a second chance at having a life, a normal life, made all the sacrifices worth it.
Because of her work there, and seeing the conditions of the children, knowing that they could be more than what they were, inspired Terry to become a special education teacher. It was what she saw there that drove her to be so dedicated all of those years. She always pushed Eric to be the best he could be. It at times created personality conflicts between the two of them as they could both be stubborn. But for her, it was out of love as she saw the potential he had.
I feel that sometimes people like Eric come into our lives to make us into better, more caring people. They make our problems look very small compared to theirs and even though at times it was very hard to accommodate his needs, we were all grateful, and remain so, that we had the opportunity to not only help him, but ourselves too.
From my perspective:
I don’t remember much about being asked what I thought, but I imagine it was bit like “hey kids, how about we go and get a new puppy?” Being a girl, I probably just saw it as a chance to have a living doll. Because my mom went back to school shortly after that, I was 8 when we got Eric, I became almost a second mom to him as I was the one that typically took care of him, the boys were usually busy with boy stuff and working summer jobs. I don’t remember, but Dad says I’m the one who helped him walk, Dennis taught him to ride a bike. I think he taught us all how to be more patient. I think he also taught us a bit more about love & sacrifice.
Now that I am an adult & parent, it is staggering for me to think about what my parents took on. I don’t think I could have done it. The time drain alone would be enough to kill someone at times, but the financial one was huge too. Especially to a family that already ran pretty tight on the belt.
Would any of us go back and change that decision? Not for anything. He is my brother and I cannot even enumerate the ways that his life has touched mine. I would not be the person I am today without him.
