OK, not the Seal remake but the Steve Miller original....Been waiting for the right moment, but there never is, and if there is one thing time knows how to do, it is to go from 1 minute, day, week, month to the next. Never to be had again. Never to be stopped.
I found out the wrestler got back with his girlfriend. He didn't tell me. Why, I don't know. I should ask. Then, he broke up again & said he totally can't do it anymore. Won't do it anymore. So we decide to be friends again. He can't be friends when he's with her. Don't ask, long story, but one I am so, so, so used to. So I say sure, let's just hang out. See where things go. That was mid-February. It got PG-13 a bit. Maybe more. Now he says he needs to step back, figure out his life a bit, ask some tough questions. Uh-oh. This sounds familiar. But, we are still talking. And he still lets me know when he's not going to be at church. Why? It is very odd. He says he doesn't want me to wonder. But do we really have that kind of relationship? If he really doesn't feel for me (which he has said) then why would he care? He says he doesn't like drawing lines. Is that drawing lines? It makes it very confusing for the person who's on the other side of the "not line".
I've been very honest with him this time. I'm not the fill-in. I'm not somebody to just get you by. You hurt me last time, I'm scared now. Scared that we'll get going with something & then you'll just disappear again. Without even having the decency to tell me. If you're my friend & care about my feelings, then you need to be honest with me.
But why does he keep coming back to me? Is it because he knows it's a safe, sure thing? Is there more there that he doesn't want to own up to? I don't know. I'm trying really hard to just take things one day at a time. I'm trying really hard not to push. It's not going to be one of those "oh, I have to contact you first because if I don't then I won't hear from you ever again" kind of things, because in that case, there was nothing there at all anyway.
I've been avoiding & putting this off. Oh, I've got too many other things to do, nobody really cares, etc. But I need to, because it is my catharsis, a way to help me gather my thoughts and maybe heal.
Since I've last written, I also joined Bob at 006's sleep study while 008 stayed with Bob's girlfriend. That was hard to watch as they drove away. And yes, Bob did some of his stupid, typical stuff that night at the clinic. He gets so defensive & territorial & takes every comment so personally. No wonder 008 can be the same way.
My job keeps me busy. We are working on finding the right schedule. My dad picks them up at school on Mondays so they can make it to practice. Tuesday we drop Pioneer clubs because there just is not enough time to get them fed, homeworked & out the door. Wednesday we are still in Kokomo & Dad picks them up on Thursdays so I can still do choir. I've also been driving them to school, most days it helps me to get there on time.
It is a good job & I'm grateful for it. It has been nice having some money to pay off the bills & get the savings account back up. I can honestly say 6 months of unemployment is hard. I don't know people do it for longer & it's no wonder they lose cars & houses. I am starting to understand more about the technology we use & how it works for our customers. As well as just learning our customer environments.
Last Friday I was back in Indy for the boys pulmonologist appointment and Bob & I went together. Weird, but OK. It was nice to meet their new doctor. Then we rode the glass elevator (it is at Riley) because that has become a tradition since 008 first started going when he was 003.
Then we went to Circle Center Mall, ate an Auntie Anne's pretzels in the Art's Garden ( I SO LOVE THOSE THINGS!) and played a bit in the arcade. Then it was time to head home.
Singing We are the Body went phenomenal. I was sad when it was over, it was so much fun to do & practice on. I think we are doing another one this month but without the wrestler. I think Pastor's husband Jim is going to do it. I think we are doing From the East to the West, also by Casting Crowns. We need to get going on it!
I've also been busy trying to get memorabilia put into my LOM binders. And just make some stuff. I drew a sketch for the church bulletin board last month & that was totally cool. Doing more of that lately. Next weekend my little girlfriend is having her birthday party here with a bunch of girls & we're going to do altered clipboards & composition pads. Tons of fun & I can't wait! She's turning 13. What a great, awkward age!
I think that's it for now. Thanks for listening & I'll try to not wait so long next time.
