Spring Fling...

The weather has been teasing us here in Indiana.  We've had some very nice, warm, sunny days. Only to be followed by cold, nasty days, and even more snow. But I think the trend is on the rise. Soon I'll be planting in the garden again! I can't wait!

Old Business:

• A little more reorganization on the laundry room. I found an old, small writing desk that I've moved into the living room so I'm not freezing all the time. It is a bit of an adjustment, but temporary. Once 018 is off to college, I'll probably do some work there to make it a spare bedroom/office.
• Insurance forms are done! Wow, it took forever!
• LLC papers are done, again forever! And such lack of communication on the Sec. of State's office.  I was never notified that there were issues.
• Surgery is complete. It did not go as planned. I nearly died on the table. They could not do it laprascopically.  I have an incision that runs from just below my sternum to almost my private parts. The healing is slower. Guess it was good that I went ahead and just took 6 weeks off. I've had to lighten my first week back. It has caused me to take pause and try to think what all of this is about and what I'm really supposed to be doing with my life. No answers, just a LOT MORE questions. I am so thankful to be alive. What do I do with this second chance? How do I make it mean something?
• May end up working at yet another nursing home. We will see. They are supposed to call.
• 2018 letter is mailed out.
• Finished Plains of Passage, now reading America's Original Sin by Jim Wallis. More questions and thoughts. Have finished 3 or 4 magazines since I've been on medical too.
• Have put away all of the piled up memorabilia and even filed away a few photos last night. That feels really good.
• Still haven't touched the anatomy book, but did read a few blogs. Gadget did not motivate me. He "sat" on me so I'd nap and take things easy. It was hard and frustrating, but definitely what I needed at the time.
• Arrendale's is moved to our new room. It is not completely finished yet, just needs new carpet but that will happen when the rest of the space is redone. And it already looks fantastic! I'm sort of excited about going back.

New Business:

• Need to get my keys for the new place, and get over there so I can start setting up my area of it.
• I kind of like the new pace that I've had to have these past few weeks. I don't know how to continue that going forward and still having food on the table and a roof on our heads. But I honestly think I've just been completely burnt out on life lately. I know everyone feels this. But honestly, it has almost been debilitating. And the thought of going back almost causes a panic/anxiety attack. My throat closes up. I feel stressed out about it. I don't know what it means or what I'm supposed to do about it. Goodness knows my life has not ended up with any part of what I thought it might have looked like. Other than having kids. I kid you not, that is the only part. I don't even know what I want it to look like any more. And sometimes I wonder what the use is of even thinking about it, or planning for it, or any of it is. What am I supposed to do with that? Where do I go from here? How do I move forward? How do I honor myself, whilst still being the breadwinner? No one is going to come along and "take care of me" so I have to do it myself. But honestly, I just don't want to anymore.