Big wheels keep on turnin'

So to pick up where I left off, I took a nap after the last post & then I get a call about 1500.  He’s done with the family stuff for a bit & wanted to get together.  I called T&J to find out what they were up to, they were in the lobby apparently they had come in when I was sleeping.  So EE decided to swing by & we ended up having some beer & wine in the room & just talking.  We decided to go to Winston’s for supper, the pub side of Shuler’s http://www.schulersrestaurant.com/ very cool atmosphere, almost more New England than Midwest.  T&J both got the walleye, we ended up both getting the pot roast.  It was sooo tender, so good. And the first time I had ever had rutabagas.  Had a dark horse ale with it. 

From there, we went back to the hotel, picked up his car (we needed both of them to get everyone there) and drove over to his house.  And he’s right.  This thing is tiny!  I don’t know that we would have been able to have a sleepover. We picked up 2 of his kids & they road with T&J over to Kalamazoo to get a table, and we went into BC to get his other son & his girlfriend.  Drove into Kalamazoo to go to Bells http://www.bellsbeer.com/eccentric-cafe/ and saw a live band for a bit.  We had a bit of trouble with chairs (it was standing room only) so when we got a table, I ended up on his lap for a bit. 

After there, we went down to Shakespeare’s http://www.shakespearespub.com/ and you can tell very much that it is a college town.  There is a band here too, blues/rock/country and they are doing some good covers.  They have a huge table here & it’s full of family!  His 3 kids, his ex-wife & her boyfriend, her nephew & his fiancé, one of his son’s friends, and the wife & daughter of one of the guys he flies with.  Oh, holy sh*t!  Now I am very nervous because I can’t hear, and there is so much going on I’m having a hard time following everything.  Even JB is saying she feels a bit intimidated because everyone knows everybody but us.

But I stretch my “meet new people” muscles and do pretty well.  The pilot’s wife I really liked talking to, she was funny.  And his ex-wife. She is really sweet & they have done a wonderful job raising their kids.  She was very complimentary of EE & seemed to really respect him as a person & a dad.  We end up leaving there at about 1:30 I think and I’m having a hard time staying awake in the car.  We get back to his house to drop off the kids (they are all adults, which is totally weird for me.  31, 28 & 26, I think there is just 2 years between each). And he’s exhausted too & so we talk about me just staying there the night & he’ll take me back in the morning “or you can take the car & come back” …  ok as much as I’d love to drive that car, I don’t know where I’m going & am totally lost!  So I just ask him if he’s got a t-shirt to sleep in.  So he finds one, but no toothbrush.  I really hate that part.

And so somehow I find myself in his bed, in his shirt, in his arms, all tangled up.  And it is the most amazing feeling.  We kiss, we talk. I “accuse” him of that being his evil plot all along.  He just laughs.  I’m trying so hard to stay detached & I don’t know that I’m doing a very good job.  It’s almost more intimate than sex.  We finally go to sleep.

In the morning, he wakes me up with a kiss & a smile.  More kissing & touching.  More talking.  He’s having trouble with the “what is this” part.  “I don’t really know how to date anymore? Do we just have this weekend & then not talk to each other for 2 days, how does it all work” sort of thing.  I tell him I’m really struggling with that part too.  “Just have to pick that path that honors who we are”. “Being with you makes me feel so good.  I can’t stop thinking about you”. Ditto dude.  He’s got his hands in my hair, and on my back, and everywhere.  They are so soft and yet so strong.  And he is so gentle.  And I’m amazed at his self-control.

He gets me into the hotel, so I can shower & change & then it will be time to leave.  How did it go by so fast?  He walks me in, gives me a hug and kiss.  Tells me to let him know where he fits. Right by my side, dude.  That’s where you fit.  Not sure if I’m gutsy enough to say it yet.

The 3 of us get the car packed up & ready to go.  We drive by dark horse so I can take a picture.  And then it is on to the highway.  JB is in the backseat, she’s feeling crummy.  So T & I talk.  He gives me some advice.  It makes sense, but contradicts some of what I thought I wanted to do.  His thinking is you only get 1 go-around on this planet so make sure you get as much out of it as you can & be bold.  I end up falling asleep trying to figure it all out.  JB says to go with my heart, what does it say?  It says I’m happy when I’m with him.

He sends me a message when we’re between Huntington & Wabash so we chat for a bit.  When I get home I eat a bit, watch some TV then do some house work.  Then it’s time for supper & go get the boys.  He had said earlier to give him a call on the drive if I wanted.  So I did. And we talk.  He was so glad we came up, he had a good time.  I was so glad he invited (not really, it was more JB but… he was an excellent tour guide).  And I told him that if I had my choice, I would want to spend more time with him & see him again, if the opportunity were available.  He said I did have my choice, so I told him my choice was that I wanted to keep seeing him, spending time with him, getting to know him.  And he said he’d like that.

“I wanted to sneak you off a couple of times last night” “Oh, you should have, I was wondering if there were any dark corners in there”… and then later “I was very proud to have you there with me”.  Wow, that was a really, really big one for me.  Coming from him.  He said I did just fine & seemed to really get along with everyone.   I agreed with it.  I did do OK.

So where does this leave us?  I don’t know.  Am I his girlfriend? Is he my boyfriend?  Are we dating?  Are we just friends? I need a label but I don’t have one yet & I’m afraid to put one on it.  I so don’t want to get hurt again.  JB doesn’t think I will be.  Just one day at a time.  So hard.  I am so sleepy! Think I’m going to send him an email and then scoot to bed.

long & winding road

It is Saturday & T&J & I am here, safely.  After the freak snowstorm Thursday we were all a bit worried that it would go through but it did.
Friday I had 3 more interviews.  It is so hard to find good talent that will also mesh well with your company & your team… When I got into work, I had a very lovely email waiting for me from EE.  Mostly just finishing out some details, but some sweet stuff too.  Most of which was “if I wake up in time, maybe I can drag you out to lunch before I head up”.  So I sent a reply back to his account that he would see after work & said “absolutely!  How does 1 sound?” and sure enough, who was there in his cute little G5 at 1300?  And not only that, but it put him behind schedule of when he wanted to leave.  We go to the pasta bar @ Eugenia’s in the Honeywell Center.  It is very tasty, fast & mostly healthy which I love all the way around.  And not expensive.  I’m finally getting to point where I am mostly comfortable with him & finding things to talk to him about.  For those of you who really know me, you will find it odd that I don’t always know what to say to people, but it really does take me a while to not feel awkward. He drops me off, we kiss & I don’t really want to go back in, which I tell him.  But I have to.
Remarkably the afternoon goes very quick, after my shift is done I went & got my new specs, I love them!  I can actually see again!  I had no idea that my old ones had gotten so bad.  I’m still getting used to the new script when using the laptop but mostly I’m OK. I got the boys picked up at Little Friends, they got a snow day out of the deal, and then off to Kokomo.  007 falls asleep on the way.  Poor boy is just like his mamma.  I’m really concerned that he doesn’t get enough sleep but I’m not sure I can realistically change too much.  The X and I talk a bit, and the boys switch over.  I hate letting them go & watching them drive off, but I’m sure it’s hard for him in reverse when I take them back home.   I pop into the mall because I want to get a pair of these:
 

But I think they are more hot pink than this, so I go into the store.  They don’t have my size!!!!!  They have a silver pair, but that’s not what I want.  They have a black pair, and I do want those, they would look so cute with a little black dress!! So he tells me they can ship them to my house….schweet!  so those are on order….  JB texts me if I remembered my suit, since the hotel has a swimming pool.  I didn’t, so I need to stop by the house to get.  Might as well pick up the camera too.  Then I head to their house, they are not ready to go yet.  Come on people!! ;)  We finally get on the road & I fall asleep just south of MI and she lets me snooze (T is snoozing in the back).  She calls EE to let him know we’re close.  I can’t believe we are finally almost here!  We get checked in, have a bit of trouble finding the dark horse, but then do….
http://www.darkhorsebrewery.com/index-entrance.asp
And oh my gosh!  His daughter & 1 son are there.  Now I am totally freaking!!!  But I’m trying to relax.  He gives me a hug & kiss & that helps.  It takes me a bit to get acclimated, but I do finally.  The beer is really good, the pub is just really cool.  There are mugs everywhere.  Hand-drawn art in the bathroom stalls.  Lots of atmosphere & non-smoking so totally loving it.  We get a greek chicken pizza & it goes really well with the beer. Reminds me of when I worked for Pythia & Vasilis would order from http://www.bazbeaux.com/ for lunch.  YUMMY!
We close the place down, but then they closed at midnight which was weird.  By this point, I’m comfortable with both the kids, they are funny & smart.  Very sharp & easy to talk to.  She’s in school over in Chicago, he builds racing sailboats.  He drives me back to the hotel, and we sit in the back and make out for quite a bit.  The windows were really, really steamy.  And there is a lot more room in those cars than what you think there will be.  And he said again “I just didn’t think I would like you as much as what I do” and so I finally had the nerve to say “dude, what is that supposed to mean!?!?”.  And he said “I had all these plans before I met you, I figured I’d be down here a couple years and then go back home.  Now, I just don’t know. I think about you all the time”.  “No you don’t!”  “Yes, yes I do.”  OK wow.  I think about him all the time.  I mean all the time.  All the time.  I’ve tried to stop, it’s detrimental to my health, sanity & everything else.  This is just sooo not what I had planned, had in mind or even thought I wanted.  It is making me think long & hard about stuff.  We are finally able to cease & desist long enough to drive around front & get me inside.  T&J are already asleep, sh*t! hadn’t thought about that, don’t want to be rude & wake them up.  So I try to get ready really quiet.It’s about 3 when I get to bed, then I was up at 7:30 and on the treadmill.  Walked 1.5 miles in 30 minutes, really not too bad.  Legs felt really a lot better after being in the car for 4 hours yesterday.  He had told me to give him a call if I wanted to do breakfast in the AM.  T&J did not want to, I did, but I’m not a big fan of hotel breakfasts (oh, I’ll do them) so I gave him a jingle “give me 20 I just woke up”.  And true to his word he was here about 40 minutes later.  We went downtown Marshall to Rosa’s, a very nice little diner & sat & talked & ate our breakfast.  And like really talked.  Talked about family, kids, my mom.  Some meaty stuff.  Finally.  We walk down to the bakery, he gets some cinnamon rolls for his kids at the house, some pecan rolls for T&J and some stuffed cookies for 009 & 007.  We walk back down to the car & keep talking.  I told him about the river trip Johnny @ church wants to do.  He talks about kayaking & camping that he likes to do with the kids.  About in the spring how he wants to come up & get his bikes to take back down south & the camping he wants to do over the summer.   He said “those are the plans I had to do before I met you”.  “They sound fun , you should still do them“  “well, now, I think if you’d like to go with me, that would be really fun.” “I think we could work something out”.  And then we get to the car.  For real, did that really just happen?  Like “long distance” kind of planning into the future?  More than just lunch next week? I call T&J to see what they are doing, they are still here.  T comes out to eat his pecan roll with us in the lobby while J gets ready.  More really good talking, then it’s time for him to leave & have lunch with his mom & kids.  So I came back here to work on my playlists & send this.  Getting ready to take a nap.  It’s nice & quiet & I probably need it before tonight….

Crazy little thing called love....

Well, that’s probably too strong a word, but definitely LIKE fits!  So I should probably be paying my bills because Jilly Bean is going to be calling any minute, but I’d rather be ruminating over my little lunch date with little hottie EE. I have yet to really understand my attraction to him, but there is no denying IT IS THERE!

I got done with my first phone interview, and he’s early, messaged me, found the place OK.  I’m a little embarrassed/nervous that he’s in my office, but I try to get past it.  Have to answer a few questions for Hobbit before we can go. He’s driving that cute little G6 & damned if it’s not a 5 on the floor.  For real?!?  Can’t he just be typical for 1 minute?  I was pretty sure I was the only person left who still drove a stick. Sigh.  As we’re driving, his hand comes over almost immediately to my thigh.  I hold it in mine.  We go to Market Street and sit in the window.  I’m having a hard time looking at him while we are talking because I know I’m grinning like  an idiot & I’m sure everything I’m thinking is being broadcast through my eyes.  I really need to work on that, it will be OK.  I get a cup of chili, he gets a club.  We talk.  Somehow we get on the subject of UPSs and generators & I’m just amazed at how much he knows & how smart he is.  We talk about EDS rebuilding his laptop again, the crazy devices on the floor they want to add AV to (and don’t need for pete’s sake!)  and a whole lot of other stuff.  He realizes I’m going to be late.  So we leave, he gives me his coat to wear because I didn’t bring mine along and of course I have clogs on & the sidewalk & parking lot are slippery but I guess it gives me a chance to hold on for dear life!  We get to the car, he’s got to fish the keys out of the jacket pocket I’m now wearing, gives me a hug, and we start kissing.  Don’t want to stop.  EVER.  Told him last week I think I could kiss him forever.  He told me he’d give me at least a few hours to stop.  Get ourselves under control & get in the car.  More kissing. He drives back to the office, more kissing.  I REALLY don’t want to get out of the car.  But I have to. I get inside & Big is just grinning at me all the time, and Vinnie is looking at me funny.  What did he tell him!?!?!?  Course at this point I’m acting like a total dork cause I just had one of the best lunches in my life.

So I get through the rest of the afternoon OK, another phone interview. Tons of problems, more than I know what to do with, my brain is swelling & itching & I’m completely overwhelmed.  I’m a few minutes late picking up 009, again.  I hate that.  When we get home, all I want to do is sit & daydream about kissing that man, talking to him & a million other things.  He says I put a smile on his face, he should see the one he puts on mine, I think sometimes my face is going to go numb.

I am scared to death.  I’ve been down this relationship road before.  I’ve felt these feelings.  It always ends badly.  Maybe not at first, but it does.  Either because I made stupid choices with my actions or ,well, because I made stupid choices in who I chose.  I DO NOT WANT THIS TO BE THAT AGAIN.  I want to guard myself against him & his evil jedi powers, but find myself very incapable.  I find myself after saying I don’t want someone around all the time to really being able to see myself around him.  A lot.  That scares me.  There are so many things too up in the air.  Things without labels & definitions, without neat little bins to put them in. too many unknowns.  Not sure I can deal with that.  Really struggling.  I know I should just let go & have fun, but the one thing I’ve learned from therapy is that because I what I went though when I was a kid, control is a huge thing of importance for me.  I feel in control when I can define, label, sort & know.  THIS DOES NOT FALL INTO THIS.  I’m riding high one minute & scared to death the next.

This is the first someone has been interested in me for 18 months, really.  The wrestler doesn’t count, Bulldog doesn’t count.  This is the first one with potential.  What if I’m just interested in him because I’m lonely and craving attention?  I don’t think I am.  But I didn’t think that was the case with the Recruiter either.  But looking back now, I think I was. I AM SO MESSED UP!

Let me call you sweetheart...

So did EE really just call me that on the phone?  We were discussing our lunch plans, apparently I left out some critical details like where & when (could that have been a subconscious thing so we’d have to talk?) and he said “well, sweetheart, I don’t want to keep you up any later (he knows I have to go to bed early)….”  Wow, it almost flew under my radar….almost…

So for all of you work brats out there, I’m not telling you anything other than he’s picking me up at the office!!!! Oo la la!  I am already so very excited, I can’t stand it!  Probably won’t be able to sleep!  Why can I not get this man out of my head!?!  Seriously!

On another note, had a good dinnertime with my older male sibling unit, male parental unit & 2 male offspring tonight.  The food was so-so except 009’s shrimp, shouldda got that!, but the company was very good.  He (bro) stopped by the house for a bit before crashing at dad’s & it was good to be able to actually converse & hear him.

Conducted my first phone interview today… L

Good night, all!

Knock, knock, knockin' on Heaven's door

Wow, what a great weekend!  Saturday night EE sends me a really sweet text to say hi & tell me he’s getting ready for work.  “what a shame I’m not there to help you” “Yes, I was just thinking it’s going to be a long time until next weekend & it took a long time to get focused last night at work” “yes, you are reading my mind! I’ll be thinking about you tonight” “Call if you can’t sleep”.  So I tried to call him, but apparently he had to be out on the floor = very noisy & didn’t hear his phone. 

Sunday I gave the message at church, got very many compliments.  I’ll share it on here later, it is long…  Sunday night he messages me again first, and says “let me know when a good time is to call” so I tell him and then I tell him “it’s late, I gotta go to bed, but bummed I’ll not be able to talk to you.  I’ll have sweet dreams if you are in them” “you know I’ll be thinking of you too!”

So this morning, since he’s gone first the past couple times, I messaged him before work got crazy just a “hey before things get busy hope you had a great day” sort of thing. “Hope you have a great one too & that I’m not bugging you too much, I’m just going to take care of my meat & then go to bed” WHAT?!?! “I made roast for sandwiches to take to work, what were you thinking?!?!” oh you SOOO don’t want to know what I was thinking!  Already had to do that a couple of times, sheesh! “no, you are not bugging me, you can bug me more if you want…and thanks for clarifying cuz I’m not going to admit what I was thinking!”  to which I got a “bad girl, go to my room! How about lunch sometime, I would get up in the middle of the night…”  WOW but how could I ask him to do that? “yes I would love to, but don’t want to ask you to do that.”  “oh, I think you are worth loosing a little sleep!”  WOW, really???!!!

You know, the recruiter would try and go out of his way to have lunch with me & it would really just sort of drive me crazy as he would reschedule the hell out of his appointments to make it happen.  No amount of “dude, it’ll work out when it’s supposed to” ever made a difference.  If he wasn’t bent completely around backwards, then he just didn’t feel like he was trying enough.  It was stressful!  I hope that’s not the path we’re going down now, but I don’t think it is as with the recruiter, we would already have the next 3 lunch dates planned out, at least in his head.  It never felt very genuine.

This guy so far is not hands-off, but at least respectful of my space.  I was bummed no email, but maybe I should log into work & send him a short little one…  Maybe I should just use my personal one…

Sunshine calls him my boyfriend already.  I said no, not yet, but maybe.  I’d like it.

What is it about this guy?  Very different from any other guy I’ve dated.  Seems to respect me as a person.  And like me as a person, not just another lay.  He’s smart, knows how to fix things with his hands, has done things I can only dream of.  He’s got this wicked sense of humor that is so spot on.  Very unpretentious. Low key, doesn’t scream “look at me”.  He excites my mind & my body.  It seems a great combination.  JB&T both really like him  & seem to think we are good together.  I don’t want to get hopeful. What if it ends just like all the others?  I don’t think I could take that.

He said Friday “I didn’t think I would like you as much as what I do”…what does that mean?  Am I ever going to stop overanalyzing things?

I talked with D&K Saturday night, and she was asking me questions about him.  Was surprised I was interested in an older man.  But she said something that just really struck me.  “it is so good to hear your voice happy.  You’ve just been so down lately”.  And she’s right.  My world has not been right.  I’ve been lonely.  Do I just respond to him because he’s shown interest in me & I’m lonely or is there more to it?  I want there to be more, a lot more, to it.  I’ve been praying so much because I’m not sure my thinking is very clear on it.  I want to make sure I’m doing the right thing.  And while sometimes I feel silly & girly (it has always been hard for me to talk about affairs of the heart) to talk to her about him, and I really shouldn’t as she is not going to judge me or condemn me, I realize I’m totally excited to talk about him & how light I feel & well, happy.

Just a lot of thought swirling around in my head with a mixture of daydreaming….

Also worked more in my Wounded Heart book.  The contempt chapter really spoke to me.  I never realized that was what I was doing, but it was sooo me.  Deflecting anger, deflecting complements, double-lives, not trusting God, putting myself down, at war with myself, putting down others.  Absolutely crazy, painful stuff.  But I know to be a more complete person, I got to dig through this.

Been working extra around the house to be more ready for next weekend, I am SO VERY EXCITED!  Also been working on a fun mini book for 009’s birthday in March.

June 2009 Flickr Upload - Transportation Museum St. Louis

http://www.flickr.com/photos/81154606@N00/ for the full upload, but here are my favorites….

I was just amazed at how many trains they had here.  I could have spent even more time going through stuff.  Unfortunately I picked the hottest day of summer to go!

I am a sucker for knobs, gears, dials and wheels!

Like I said, hottest day, they were dying!!

I know some would say the flare on this one is bad, but I think it gives it a really cool look myself…

Remember what I said about wheels….

008 looking so cute!

Inside a tanker car, SO COOL!

We are hot & tired can we PLUULEAAAZE just go now?

It was one of our best family trips yet.  Part of it is I think me getting the hang of being a single parent of young, active children, part of it is them growing up a bit. It’s always a challenge, but I am so thankful & grateful that I go ahead and do it anyway as the rewards are SO worth it.  We still talk about this trip & the goofy stuff that happened. Like me getting lost, even with the Garmin.

 

See and download the full gallery on posterous

See and download the full gallery on posterous

Ain't even done with the night....

Great Mellencamp song here…check it out…

not the best video, but classic Mellencamp pose & the song of course is amazing….

OK, so I have a bit to catch up here…

Tuesday and Wednesday EE & I send back & forth some fun texts & emails.  Wednesday in Kokomo for the boys, I get my toes re-done as I can’t have nasty feet when I go up there in a week & a half (I can’t believe it’s only that far away!) Thursday I go to choir & JB  & I message back & forth. I get home & find that dad wants to take the boys swimming Friday night.  So I tell Jill “Hey, I’m free tomorrow night & I’d really like someone to ask me out.  She says “just ask him!” “No, it has to be his idea!”  “Fine, I need to call him about our trip later so I’ll make sure to mention it somehow”.  Schweet!  She calls back later “OK, he definitely wants to get together.  If he doesn’t hear from you tonight, he’ll get a hold of you in the morning”.  So I on purpose don’t send him a message before I went to bed & that was hard, but I really wanted it to be him.  And I thought when I got up there would be something from him but there was not.  So I told myself it would be OK, you’ll have an email.  So I got the 2 crazy monkeys ready & out the door, got to work & there is NO EMAIL!  Now I’m having a panic attack that I’ve already scared him off!  So I break down I send him a message about “You ok, did you have a busy night?” Kind of thing.  Apparently crazy busy.  “Tried to send you an email but keep getting distracted.  Would you like to catch up sometime over the weekend?”  “Absolutely, as it would happen to be, I have tonight open”.  So we make arrangements to just have a glass of wine at his house.  He sends me the address. I am cranked all day over this!  Can’t stop thinking about kissing him & wanting to kiss him more.

Finally it is time to leave work, I get the boys home & fed, dad comes to get them & they decide they want to spend the night with him.  Even cooler, so I don’t have to leave at like 20:30-21:00.  He has to be at work at 22, so I’d have to leave around 9:30-9:45 anyway.  So I find his house, very nice, not your typical bach pad.  It’s in a subdivision which he hates, but….  He kisses me, we get some wine, and then sit on the sofa to talk.  He’s got music playing & I love it.  Loud enough to hear, not too loud to interfere.  And he takes my hand & starts just rubbing it, caressing it.  Or hand on my leg.  He discovers my feet are a bit cold so he puts a blanket on them & I’m all toasty warm.  He’s toasty warm.

We talk shop for a bit.  Apparently we have more in common here than what I realize.  They use a lot of the stuff our automation division supports.  Note to self, talk to the Golden Child & have him explain all about HMI stuff.  And I’m realizing how much fun it is to actually have an intellectual conversation with someone again.  That is one area that the recruiter & lacked.  He was so nice & sweet, but couldn’t really understand any of what I did.  I missed that from when Bob & I were first together.  And it’s just so much fun to listen to him & talk to him.  And he’s really only kissed me the one time since I got there.  I thought that was, well, different.  All the guys at work were like “you know he wants you there for really only 1 reason”.  Yea…been there.  Done that… got the t-shirt too.

And we are slowly moving closer to each other, he’s still touching me & it feels like a gigantic mind frak I’m getting so turned on by all of it.  And then he starts kissing me.  And he’s kissing my neck & his beard tickles & gives me goosebumps & it feels so yummy!  And I absolutely loved nibbling on his ear.  Wow.  And he asks me if I like the beard.  TOTALLY!  I think it looks great on him, but I am partial to facial hair.  The wrestler had this amazing lumberjack beard…but I digress…

So we are still kissing & talking & I somehow end up on his lap & that was fun.  And at this point he’s in the danger zone for being late to work. And I told him he was going to have to kick me out.  He never did, so I told him “well, you could always tell them you were late because you had a pretty girl sitting in your lap! Surely they would understand that?”.  He laughed “They’d never expect me to say that”.  Huh, don’t sell yourself too short.  So he finally says “I hate being the adult!” and then he goes to change clothes for work.  So I wander around & look at the pictures on his walls.  1 for each of his kids, 3, and several of him flying jets and planes.  Damn.  And then I spot the 6 string on the stand off to the side.  Now I am a complete fucking goner because by the way, he’s also got great arms.  I am so doomed.  If he says he also goes to church It is over!  What in the hell am I going to do & I gotta wait another week before I see him again?  I don’t think I can handle that!!!  How did I get from “I really only want someone that I can see every couple of weeks & it not really be all that serious” to thinking the thoughts that are going through my head?!

He also gives me a tour of the house.  It’s cute, second bedroom upstairs is full of his flight suits.  HOT DAMN!  What am I going to do?  Got to see a picture of his bikes, they are smokin’ too.  The ducati is race yellow.  The deuce is sweet too.  I think I would look damn hot on the back of it!  I’ve so got issues.  He makes his lunch in a nice HD lunch bag, he’s got HD coffee mugs.  Hardwood floors.  Amish hand-made furniture.  He was soooooo late to work.  Ouch.  But I have a big grin on my face & he didn’t once try to get in my pants.  It took all my willpower to stay out of his. I can feel him pressed up against me & it is really so not helping.

My hand fucking smells like him.  Still.

He likes that I’m tall.  Wow, that is an all-time first, but apparently it puts my neck at the right place and “I fit”.  I’d like to see how he fits….

He’s got his big, bad-ass large-block V8 black Chevy truck in the garage & tools around in a little yellow Pontiac G6.  Stick a fork in me… It’s not quite the Camero of my dreams….but…